Strange Fruit

Fruits are part of a balanced diet. They are right up there, I suppose, with yogurt and candy. But it wasn’t until Prada put bananas on a button down that we realized — or at least truly believed — that they were part of a balanced wardrobe.

Suddenly it felt like clothes weren’t complete without Dolce & Gabbana’s ripe eggplants, peppers and ready-to-burst tomatoes. Onions technically aren’t a fruit but the designers threw giant red ones in their produce collection too and said, “Let’s make this runway a ceviche, baby!”

Stella McCartney made chests everywhere feel like they were inferior (regardless of size) if they weren’t stamped with lemons or limes. Or grapefruits. And I don’t even like grapefruits — they’re sour and gross — but I’m telling you, a dress just wasn’t a dress without one.

In 2011, Moschino did strawberries. For Spring 14, Stella Jean threw a passionfruit into the mix. And now, if you search, fruits are everywhere — so much so, in fact, that you don’t actually have to search:

There’s this citrus skirt from Isolda, and this dress from Motel Rocks, and this clutch covered in cherries from Edie Parker. If you live in a pineapple under the sea then this dress, these bottoms, and this bag (which is on sale) will feel like home. And if you’re like, “Well I just want to be covered in seafruit,” then you, my friend, are more niche than an Etsy shop that specializes in glass wigs. But I’m not gonna fault you for that — there’s market for glass wigs, and there’s a seafruit shirt somewhere out in the shopperverse.

I tried, by the way, to find a song for this post that pertained to fruit that wasn’t suggestively sexual. Innuendos are funny, but at 9 AM it’s like, no. Apparently peaches are code for uh…you know. And bananas are obvious, and lemons mean “nuts.” Don’t even get me started on watermelon, because I’d prefer to eat this fruit salad with innocent intentions.

So with that, I leave you this, should you want to wear your colorful produce in peace…

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And if you still need something to dance to, there’s always, always this:

Put some fruit in your wardrobe and call me in the morning.

Market by Charlotte Fassler, Slideshow by Krista Lewis