Are You Stretching Yourself or Pushing Too Hard?

Many women today, myself included, have unusually high expectations of themselves and the people close to them. We are learning how to stretch by challenging ourselves in every area of our lives—with family and friends, at the gym, and on the job. But stretching is very different from pressing ourselves. Stretching is an expansive state that leads to our taking positive actions. However, pressing suggests an unreasonableness, where we are asking too much of ourselves, demanding that we do better, grow more quickly, and too rapidly change our lives…

How can we take little steps towards not pushing ourselves too hard? By becoming aware of when we cross over the line, feel too tense, exhausted, or burned out. And when we are aware of this happening, we must change our direction: Do not work that extra hour or go to another engagement, but go out to dinner with a female friend (or take your husband and child out) or just go home; do the minimum of what has to be done, and go to be early. Remember, no one is keeping score. Also appreciate the special things that are in your life—a caring friend, lovely living quarters, a loving family. By bringing these things to mind, we nurture ourselves. We may even find that the need to press towards gaining another achievement diminishes.

Adapted from Our Power as Women, by Helene Lerner. Conari Press.