Ask lunaKM – My Dominant Breaks Down When Punishing Me
I’ve been with my Master for almost a year now 24/7. At first it was very gentle stuff; spanking, a slap here and there, rough sex, light bondage (Do to i am emotionally/physically weak). But over the last month or so it’s been escalating. He’s “Punishing” me now for even the smallest out of step action. I accidentally called him by his name at one point (When it was definitely not appropriate time to say it!) and he slapped me. Nothing much. But just a few nights ago i was joking around how he “couldn’t take what he dishes out”. He shoved me to the bed. Slapping me, spanking me then started anal sex rough (And dry..OW!!). I kept screaming and saying no, yet saying yes to his questions if i’d “Be a good girl” And after awhile of thrashing and screaming, he stopped. He was still hard and aroused but he started crying. Yes a 23 year old man crying. And now this is periodical. Every time he punishes me (even if i take it like the good pet i am) he’ll start crying mid way through no matter how angry he was. I don’t know what to do?! HELP!
There’s a bit I want to address here, so let’s get to it.
First, I want to make sure that what you are describing here is completely consensual. No where did you say that you’re screaming “no” was part of the scene so I hope it really was. Otherwise what he did was way out of line and can be considered assault and rape. If it is a part of your relationship that saying no and fighting him is part of your play then that’s acceptable.
Also, it’s extremely unhealthy for him to play out his anger on you. If you are doing things to make him mad or egg him on that’s just terrible behavior when you are with someone, D/s or not. Punishment should never be in anger. And it shouldn’t include sex or play.
However, if you really meant funishment, or play then that’s a whole different ballgame. Still it shouldn’t be done in anger – you can’t control yourself when you are mad. I hope you both understand the possible dangers there.
It sounds like your partner is dealing with some demons of his own. There’s a lot of social programming that says you shouldn’t enjoy forcing yourself on women, beating women and treating them like that. While I can’t be sure that’s what he’s feeling, that would be my guess.
What you can do is talk to him when he’s not super upset and find out where his head is at and why he is crying. Accept that it’s a normal thing. There is nothing wrong with a man crying and it’s perplexing that you felt the need to point out his age as if that matters for his emotions. At least he’s in touch with them! Your mention in the email that he’s a man that is crying, like it is unacceptable, is only exacerbating the problem, you are also using your social programming against him. Stop.
Let him work out why he feels the way he does and that hopefully, eventually he will learn to embrace it as a part of his positive sexuality and find the fulfillment he gets from it as acceptable and not bad. You might want to direct him the The Dominant Guide and this really good post from Rev Morgan about “Getting Past the Good Guys Don’t”.
While he’s at it, you should learn to accept him as a person with emotions and that these emotions need to be expressed which includes crying. Gender stigmatism has no place in a relationship.
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
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