Great Goblins Pranks II
Goblins would rather fool an enemy than beat him in battle. It’s safer and much more satisfying, for the victim suffers longer as his fellow men or elves laugh at his foolishness. Over the years goblins have become experts at pranks and traps. But even among the masters there comes a time when they pull off a prank of legendary proportions, a lie of such breathtaking beauty, and to date nothing has come close to matching the goblins’ invention of the Very Silly Corporation in the city state of Nolod.
Nolod is a city of contradictions, with unimaginable wealthy and productivity alongside poverty, filth and crime, a place of riches sitting upon poor land unfit for mining or agriculture. It accepts members of all races but treats each with contempt. The city of a million inhabitants has a parliament in which fewer than a thousand people are allowed to vote. Enemy nations fear and hate Nolod while still doing business with its merchants. Millions of gold pieces in goods flow through the city every month, and the services available there rival that of the greatest empires. One can buy spices, silks, weapons and deadly poisons with equal easy.
Nolod’s prosperity comes mainly from shipping and manufacturing, but it is also a financial hub for the world of Other Place. It has branches from all the major banking cartels and is one of the few cities on the planet with a stock exchange. Here human paper stock certificates are traded with dwarf bronze stock claims and elven jade tablets of ownership. Stock is a risky investment on a world where greedy kings, bandit armies and angry dragons can strike at any time, but the rewards are equally valuable. A good bet on a newly issued stock can make a man richer than a lifetime of hard work.
It’s no surprise that a city as large, filthy and crowded as Nolod has goblins. They dwell in the slums, shantytowns and sewers, acting as unofficial garbage men, carting off the city’s junk for food or their own use. They also play pranks on the residents regardless of wealth and station, proving that money and power means nothing to them. From time to time the richer citizens hire mercenaries to drive them out, but such attempts always fail, and goblins inevitably find out who is responsible and pay them a visit. All in all, their presence is accepted if not appreciated.
But one year the goblins in Nolod hatched a scheme that forever raised the bar for practical jokes. The plan came about when the goblins saw a man being praised and toasted for his new wealth. He’d sold thousands of gold pieces in stock for a mining venture in a distant land, and in Nolod gold equaled prestige. The goblins marveled how humans, dwarfs and elves treated stocks as if they were gold. That night they discussed the situation over a meal of cattle bones and old boots, and they decided to launch a fake business, stocks included.
The goblin business was called the Very Silly Corporation. They designed a logo with a ship upside down in the water, with the phrase, “We don’t know where we’re going, but we’re almost there”, as the company slogan. The goblins then broke into the main stockbroker’s office and studied his records and books, careful not to leave a sign of their visit. They filled out a phony application form with lies of epic proportion. These including that their company owned sole rights to sell mud pies in the Elf Kingdom and had fishing rights in the Valvas Desert. But as they studied the stockbroker, they found a flaw in their plan. Anyone issuing stock had to present himself to the broker. No one would accept a business offer from a goblin! But in true goblin fashion they found a way around this.
Nolod had its share of people who had tried their best in business and failed. Given how corrupt the city was and how many deals required hefty bribes, honest, hardworking men were often crushed underfoot. The goblins found a man of regal bearing and no means, a man who had been cheated and snubbed and betrayed, and they offered him a chance to get back at the entire city. Not surprisingly, he said yes. They also found men working for the stockbroker who had not received just rewards for their work, and they offered the men a chance to get even. No money traded hands, but the human accomplices didn’t want it. Avenging their injured pride was enough.
It took the goblins a few days to dress up their spokesman in fashionable (and stolen) clothes and teach him his lines. The stockbroker’s employees helped prepare him and make sure all the forms were filled out correctly (abet insanely). The spokesman then presented himself, dressed richly and bearing faked maps and contracts that made him out to be a man of means. He was welcomed warmly, for Nolod always needs new sources of money, and was soon introduced to the wealthy elite of the city. An elf merchant suspected him, but the goblins targeted the suspicious elf with pie traps that kept him too busy to get involved. Mere weeks later the stockbroker put up shares in the phony company for sale.
It worked. Shares in a nonexistent company went on sale, and even better, it was the talk of the town. There was mention of it in all the newspapers for days and then weeks. People of wealth and privilege spoke excitedly of the new opportunity. The goblins couldn’t laugh hard enough. They knew it was only a matter of time before someone caught on, but every day the prank went on made it even better.
Then one day the goblins’ accomplices came to them with bulging bags filled with gold coins. The stock had sold out within of minutes of being issued. It was already trading for twice the list price, and going up every day. The goblins listened in stunned amazement as they were told they’d made 1200 gold pieces from their stock sale.
While the goblins’ prank was impressive in its complexity, greed and stupidity made it even more effective. The company title of Very Silly Corporation was shortened to VSC by the newspapers and stockbroker. No one asked what the letters stood for. The slogan was accepted as profound instead of idiotic. No one even looked at the logo. The lies the goblins had told were actually believed. After all, elves are very fond of desserts, accepting only the best and paying well for it. And if there was fishing in the Valvas desert then there must be water there, a newly discovered oasis of incredible size. People who should have known better, who should have asked questions, were seduced by the chance for profit.
For the first time in recorded history goblins were rich. This was not a good thing, for goblins knew that other races kill for gold. They had to get rid of their fortune fast. They armed themselves with slingshots and fired most of the coins at people in the shantytown. They gave the rest of the money to their accomplices with instructions that they should flee the city before someone caught on.
It was bad advice, for years later the lie still hasn’t been discovered. Even now, people in Nolod believe that the Very Silly Corporation is real and is some kind of import/export business. VSC is currently trading at 80 gold pieces per share. The “company” hasn’t made any money, but new businesses usually need time to turn a profit, and it hasn’t reported a loss, either. The prank has taken on a life of its own, growing in strength even without the goblins’ help as more and more people believe in it.
Nolod is a city of contradictions, with unimaginable wealthy and productivity alongside poverty, filth and crime, a place of riches sitting upon poor land unfit for mining or agriculture. It accepts members of all races but treats each with contempt. The city of a million inhabitants has a parliament in which fewer than a thousand people are allowed to vote. Enemy nations fear and hate Nolod while still doing business with its merchants. Millions of gold pieces in goods flow through the city every month, and the services available there rival that of the greatest empires. One can buy spices, silks, weapons and deadly poisons with equal easy.
Nolod’s prosperity comes mainly from shipping and manufacturing, but it is also a financial hub for the world of Other Place. It has branches from all the major banking cartels and is one of the few cities on the planet with a stock exchange. Here human paper stock certificates are traded with dwarf bronze stock claims and elven jade tablets of ownership. Stock is a risky investment on a world where greedy kings, bandit armies and angry dragons can strike at any time, but the rewards are equally valuable. A good bet on a newly issued stock can make a man richer than a lifetime of hard work.
It’s no surprise that a city as large, filthy and crowded as Nolod has goblins. They dwell in the slums, shantytowns and sewers, acting as unofficial garbage men, carting off the city’s junk for food or their own use. They also play pranks on the residents regardless of wealth and station, proving that money and power means nothing to them. From time to time the richer citizens hire mercenaries to drive them out, but such attempts always fail, and goblins inevitably find out who is responsible and pay them a visit. All in all, their presence is accepted if not appreciated.
But one year the goblins in Nolod hatched a scheme that forever raised the bar for practical jokes. The plan came about when the goblins saw a man being praised and toasted for his new wealth. He’d sold thousands of gold pieces in stock for a mining venture in a distant land, and in Nolod gold equaled prestige. The goblins marveled how humans, dwarfs and elves treated stocks as if they were gold. That night they discussed the situation over a meal of cattle bones and old boots, and they decided to launch a fake business, stocks included.
The goblin business was called the Very Silly Corporation. They designed a logo with a ship upside down in the water, with the phrase, “We don’t know where we’re going, but we’re almost there”, as the company slogan. The goblins then broke into the main stockbroker’s office and studied his records and books, careful not to leave a sign of their visit. They filled out a phony application form with lies of epic proportion. These including that their company owned sole rights to sell mud pies in the Elf Kingdom and had fishing rights in the Valvas Desert. But as they studied the stockbroker, they found a flaw in their plan. Anyone issuing stock had to present himself to the broker. No one would accept a business offer from a goblin! But in true goblin fashion they found a way around this.
Nolod had its share of people who had tried their best in business and failed. Given how corrupt the city was and how many deals required hefty bribes, honest, hardworking men were often crushed underfoot. The goblins found a man of regal bearing and no means, a man who had been cheated and snubbed and betrayed, and they offered him a chance to get back at the entire city. Not surprisingly, he said yes. They also found men working for the stockbroker who had not received just rewards for their work, and they offered the men a chance to get even. No money traded hands, but the human accomplices didn’t want it. Avenging their injured pride was enough.
It took the goblins a few days to dress up their spokesman in fashionable (and stolen) clothes and teach him his lines. The stockbroker’s employees helped prepare him and make sure all the forms were filled out correctly (abet insanely). The spokesman then presented himself, dressed richly and bearing faked maps and contracts that made him out to be a man of means. He was welcomed warmly, for Nolod always needs new sources of money, and was soon introduced to the wealthy elite of the city. An elf merchant suspected him, but the goblins targeted the suspicious elf with pie traps that kept him too busy to get involved. Mere weeks later the stockbroker put up shares in the phony company for sale.
It worked. Shares in a nonexistent company went on sale, and even better, it was the talk of the town. There was mention of it in all the newspapers for days and then weeks. People of wealth and privilege spoke excitedly of the new opportunity. The goblins couldn’t laugh hard enough. They knew it was only a matter of time before someone caught on, but every day the prank went on made it even better.
Then one day the goblins’ accomplices came to them with bulging bags filled with gold coins. The stock had sold out within of minutes of being issued. It was already trading for twice the list price, and going up every day. The goblins listened in stunned amazement as they were told they’d made 1200 gold pieces from their stock sale.
While the goblins’ prank was impressive in its complexity, greed and stupidity made it even more effective. The company title of Very Silly Corporation was shortened to VSC by the newspapers and stockbroker. No one asked what the letters stood for. The slogan was accepted as profound instead of idiotic. No one even looked at the logo. The lies the goblins had told were actually believed. After all, elves are very fond of desserts, accepting only the best and paying well for it. And if there was fishing in the Valvas desert then there must be water there, a newly discovered oasis of incredible size. People who should have known better, who should have asked questions, were seduced by the chance for profit.
For the first time in recorded history goblins were rich. This was not a good thing, for goblins knew that other races kill for gold. They had to get rid of their fortune fast. They armed themselves with slingshots and fired most of the coins at people in the shantytown. They gave the rest of the money to their accomplices with instructions that they should flee the city before someone caught on.
It was bad advice, for years later the lie still hasn’t been discovered. Even now, people in Nolod believe that the Very Silly Corporation is real and is some kind of import/export business. VSC is currently trading at 80 gold pieces per share. The “company” hasn’t made any money, but new businesses usually need time to turn a profit, and it hasn’t reported a loss, either. The prank has taken on a life of its own, growing in strength even without the goblins’ help as more and more people believe in it.
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