I Look Like This Because I’m A Writer
What follows is the introduction (as always, more or less a work in progress until the actual publication date) of my forthcoming book, I Look Like This Because I’m A Writer: How to overcome sloth, self-doubt, and poor hygiene to realize the writing career of your dreams. I plan on releasing, over the next few days and weeks, a couple of sample chapters and, am always, am interested in your feedback. I’m writing this book, because–what passes for market research in my world–has convinced me that there’s a need for it and that some of my readers, at least, will be pleased to see it appear. Tomorrow, in honor of #TeaserTuesday, I’ll be releasing the first chapter.
INTRODUCTION
The idea for this book was born from my wildly popular series of “how to” posts, on my blog, and from my realizing therefore that there was a market out there for frank, honest writing advice. I don’t sugarcoat things on my blog and I don’t sugarcoat things in this book; you won’t find flowery discussions about the glory of the imagination, and not limiting your potential. What you’ll find, instead, are practical tips and concrete information about the writing process that you can use, today, to become a better writer by tonight.
But before I get into detailing, specifically, what you’ll find, I’m going to tell you a little more about what you won’t find. Because if you’re looking for these things, below, you’re holding the wrong book. This isn’t a book about gimmicks, or shortcuts, because there aren’t any. This isn’t a book about how to get rich quick via the powers of Amazon, because no book can guarantee your future earnings potential and writing—regardless of what the media might have led you to believe—isn’t a get rich quick scheme. Writing, whether as a hobby or professionally, requires a tremendous commitment of time and energy; more so, I believe, than almost any other profession.
And in no profession is success, monetary or otherwise, achieved without hard work. If you’re looking for guarantee of a fat paycheck at the end of it, though, I’d suggest becoming a lawyer. You’ll make a lot more money, and a lot more quickly, right out of the gate. Trust me, I know; I was one for several years, before I gave it up to write full time.
About a year ago, a now-former friend of mine plagiarized one of my manuscripts. She and I were in a writing group together, so she had access to it. And about three months after I’d given her a copy of The Price of Desire, she surprised everyone with a manuscript of her own: an unlikely love story, set amidst war, in space. When I confronted her about what she’d done, she informed me that she’d made my story better: she had, in her words, “taken out all that boring part about planets and politics and stuff.” She’d also denuded the story of its interpersonal conflicts. And, of course, of the science. She had, in essence, re-written military science fiction as a Harlequin-style romance in space.
“You can’t do that,” I told her.
“But I want a shortcut,” she whined.
She went on to tell me that the reason she was writing was that so she could “be the next Stephenie Meyer”—someone she’d also ripped off, in a previous (and to the best of my knowledge still unsold) manuscript, so I was in good company. She wanted to, again, in her words, “sell a book and make a million dollars.” The rest of our conversation involved her describing, in loving detail, exactly what she planned to do with her million dollars.
The assumptions she made, in doing what she did, are assumptions that will stop you dead in your tracks as a writer.
There’s a pervasive belief in our culture right now that writing is easy. I can’t tell you how many people have informed me, perfectly seriously, that since [insert book of your choice] is crap, and that author was wildly successful, then they can write any old thing and be successful too. Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey are popular books to pick on, here, because the internet is full of armchair critics who’ve panned them both. But what people who blindly follow along with the hype don’t realize is that ultimately critics don’t call the shots. Readers do. And both books have been, and continue to be, wild bestsellers not because they happened to be available on Amazon but because readers love them. Both books have, indeed, their own separate and extremely devoted followings.
And whatever the internet, or your high school English teacher, has taught you to think about “correct” writing that’s nigh on impossible to achieve. To create characters that people love is the skill; not to craft some arbitrarily perfect sentence. Which isn’t to say that the rules of grammar aren’t important. They are, vitally. But that, rather, it’s unwise in the extreme to ignore the strange alchemy that these and other writers have achieved.
A strange alchemy you can’t achieve through plagiarism. Or, indeed, through any degree of artistic theft. E.L. James might have been writing fan fiction, but her characters were distinctly her own. For confirmation, just look at all the thousands of self-published odes to Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey on Amazon. If it were really that easy, then they’d all be bestsellers, too.
Moreover, it’s another internet-promoted fallacy that all you need to succeed is one book. Which, as charming as the image might be to struggling writers, is wrong for so many reasons. A classic example is Stephen King; the first time anyone had heard of him might have been when he published Carrie, but he’d been writing professionally for years beforehand. The utilities in his trailer were routinely turned off between sales of stories, something he’s discussed in numerous interviews. And this was while he had a baby.
Hugh Howie, the self-made success story, had ten books on Amazon before he struck it big. Dan Brown, who was traditionally published, had two before the Da Vinci Code took off. And that book wasn’t an overnight success, either.
What all of these authors had in common was their commitment to their craft; and their recognition, moreover, that this was a marathon and not a sprint. Because even if, by some miracle, you write the Great American Novel on your very first try, query the best agent in the business and immediately capture her attention, and go on to land the publishing deal of the century…then what? As Cypress Hill points out, each single doesn’t last very long. Writing professionally is like doing anything else professionally: you have to show up, every single day, and do your best, every single day, or you’ll never succeed.
So what is in this book?
This book is broken up into five sections, each of which deals with a different aspect of the writing process. Section one is about the nuts and bolts of writing and covers everything from where to (and where not to) get ideas, to how to open your novel and how to write dialogue. But what’s different about this book, too—and about me as a writing coach—is that the nuts and bolts are only the beginning. They are, to borrow some legalese, necessary but not sufficient. In other words, writing the greatest novel opener ever is pretty vital—but, on its own, will only take you so far.
Which is why section two is all about how to succeed. Not financially, and not on Amazon, but against your inner demons. How to overcome the negative programming telling you that focusing on your writing is a waste of time and how, too, to overcome the idea that if it’s art it should be easy. I offer motivational advice, as well as a series of concrete, practical tips, that you can use to help ensure that all of your brilliant ideas actually do become reality.
In section three, I talk about soliciting feedback: from friends and family, from the editor of your choice, and from the general public.
In section four, I talk about the publishing process.
And in section five, the final section, I talk about social media. Not, how to open a Twitter account. Or even, indeed, to tell you that you need one. My goal, here, isn’t to insult your intelligence. Rather, my goal is to help you use the tools at your disposal—Twitter, Facebook, your blog—to promote yourself successfully. All too many writers, at every stage of the writing game, set up the social media platform of their dreams and immediately start filling it with tweets and posts and tweets and posts…and don’t understand why they’ve suddenly alienated everybody. Social media should work for you, and not against you.
So if you’re still with me, read on…
