How to Wear Clogs

Some great things about clogs: they’re comfortable; they do this neat thing to your ankles, which makes them look more like pigeon limbs than human limbs; a lot of them are from The Netherlands, thus rendering them worldlier than you. And they also allow for you to strike that fashion-revered, imperfect balance of perfectly in/formal — much the way sneakers do.

But here’s the other thing about clogs: they’re still way too naive to be adopted as a material pundit of normcore the way the latter genre of footwear has. So, if your outfit is your own personal America, it is my belief that clogs can be your international leader.

What?

Here are some ways I wear mine.

Photographed against The Bowery Mural, you’ll find what I call The Tribeca Mom Way. I am wearing a Rachel Comey jean jacket over a Vika Gazinskaya x & Other Stories cotton poplin blouse and high waist Acne jeans. I look like am going to pick my daughter up from school on the corner of White Street and I’m holding a backpack to make her feel like we are experiencing education together. She made me that daisy ring. Isn’t she the best?

Second, you will find the man-I-wish-I-was-on-a-beach-but-I-guess-pavement-will-do way of wearing clogs. It is not rare that you will find a misplaced New Yorker dressed like she’s half on her way to the beach, half on her way to an industrial power lunch and I think that’s what makes us so quizzical(ly special). Sure, I could have opted for sandals that would have sealed the nail in the coastal coffin. Don’t clogs just seem to bring this white linen off the shoulder blouse and burlap underwear shorts right on back down to Second Avenue? The shorts are Sally LaPointe, the sunglasses are Illesteva.

Third we have the Leandra way which I am only calling that because I don’t know why anyone else would conceal an intricately sewn, spectacularly feminine white lace mini dress – ostensibly made for a bride, though fit for a city — with a linen blazer but I do know why I did it.

Double breast-uh-ses are my breakfast and it is 9AM.

Finally, we have The Bonus Round which features not the previous 3-inch high Swedish Hasbeen clogs but instead a pair of 6-inch clogs replete with tassel and all. These typically pair nicely with at least two layers of denim, hence the Rachel Comey shorts and the now infamous Acne men’s jacket, and a blouse that can be injected with helium and make its wearer fly away.