Still in Rotation: Barry Manilow Live (Barry Manilow)

Thank the Universe (For My Aunt) Sad Bastards of Instagram

Still in Rotation: Barry Manilow Live (Barry Manilow)

Still in Rotation is a feature that lets talented writers tell Midlife Mixtape readers about an album they discovered years ago that’s still in heavy rotation, and why it has such staying power.

Amy Vansant’s website says she is a “writer, humorist, and delusionist.” It leaves out “force of nature,” which is how I think of her, ever since she first asked me to contribute an essay to a new humor anthology she was editing called Moms are Nuts. I have watched in awe as she curated work from amazing and accomplished writers, edited and designed the book, then spearheaded a marketing juggernaut which pushed the book into the best seller ranks within a few weeks of its release, a huge accomplishment for a self-published book. When Amy informed me she was going to write about Manilow, I knew enough to stand back and get out of her way.

Barry Manilow Live (1977)

I don’t want to brag about how cool I am, but the first album I ever owned was Barry Manilow LIVE!

I know. Please! Don’t feel intimidated. Some people are born with cool, some people have to work at it. It’s pretty clear I was born with it, since my next album was Born Late by Shaun Cassidy and my third was something or other by Donny and Marie, but don’t hate me. I can’t help it. You can’t stop the rock.

When I played “house” with the other kids on the block, we all had our roles, and I was Barry Manilow, the “dad.” Seriously.

Please don’t tell my husband about this.

My one very girly friend was “Mandy,” my wife. I was Barry, and the other kids on the block were various people. Maybe Rico from Copacabana. Who knows. All I know is Mandy made a mean potatoes and beans (white stones and stripped mimosa tree leaves). And Mandy was also a screaming bitch. When I got home from a hard day on tour, all she did was complain. One day she told me she’d had a baby by someone else. Overnight. I think she claimed the father was Rick Springfield, that flashy bastard.

I was ten and didn’t even know what that meant. I laughed at her and told her I was “the dad” so that was impossible, clearly the kid was mine.

Mandy’s mother might have watched too many soap operas.

In grade school I performed a jump rope routine to “Daybreak” by Mr. Manilow.

To this day, I regularly ask people if they know who wrote the jingle: “You deserve a break today…” for McDonald’s. Know who it was?

BARRY MANILOW.

How about “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there….”

BARRY MANILOW.

How about “I am stuck on the motherfuckin’ Bandaid because the motherfuckin’ Bandaid is stuck on me?”

You guessed it. MOTHERFUCKIN’ BARRY MANILOW.

How about “Be a Pepper, Drink Dr. Pepper?”

That was Randy Newman.

Anyway, I know all that information thanks to the Barry Manilow Live album, and I’ve yet to find anyone else who lived and breathed it the way I did as a 10 year old, so I sound like a freakin’ genius when I mention these things. Or the most boring woman on the planet. Doesn’t matter. I’m drunk.

To this day I have a weak spot in my heart for Barry. And because I’m a purist, I don’t count the only songs many people identify with Barry as my favorites. “Mandy,” “Copacabana,” “I Write the Songs” (which was written by Barry Johnston and not Barry Manilow. What the hell Barry? Was that the only time you cheated on me? What’s next? I find out you’re gay or something?)

My favorites are “Looks Like We Made It,” “We Made it Through the Rain,” (Barry was always makin’ it somewhere), “Weekend in New England,” “This One’s For You,” and “Even Now.”

I know there are many people my age and pretty much everyone younger than me who would rather have a bag of bees thrown over their head than go to a Barry Manilow concert, but, dammit, that man is an entertainer. And when I hear Barry belting out “This one’s for yoooooou, wherever you aaarrrre….” on the radio…

I know that man is talking to me.

♪♪♪

Amy Vansant is a total dork and former editor for Surfer Magazine and author of The Surfer’s Guide to Florida. She now writes humor for places like McSweeney’s Internet Tendencies, The Big Jewel and The Barnes and Noble Review, because the urge to talk to teenage surfers has long since left her. You can read more at her humor site, http://www.AmyVansant.com or Twitter: @AmyVansant or Facebook.com/kidfreeliving.