Thank the Universe (For My Aunt)

Turn Down the Music and Read: Confide... Still in Rotation: Barry Manilow Live...

Thank the Universe (For My Aunt)

Two months ago I was visiting my hometown and stopped over to pick up my eighty-something Aunt Noonie, to take her to an 11:15 am lunch at the Cracker Barrel. When I stepped into the covered front porch of her home, I noticed shiny pennies strewn amidst the newspapers, coolers, and other detritus that has been stacked in that space since the 1960s. As Noonie stepped through the front door buttoning her coat she said, “Don’t touch those coins! It’s a spell. They’re going to bring me more money soon.”

Noonie’s not a witch, just an equal opportunity optimist and a widow living on a fixed income. Why NOT try a spell to bring more money in? I pointed out, as I helped her to the car, that maybe the spell worked because when she eventually picked up the pennies, she would have more money, seven cents to be exact. Noonie threw shade at me like shade has never been thrown and I dropped the subject.

Kelly Rowland provides an approximation of Noonie’s shade throwing

Over lunch we talked a bit about the fact that she’d gotten a confusing letter from the bank and wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. I wasn’t going to be in town long enough to do much to help. “Let me ask my dad,” I offered. My father the retired engineer thinks in grids and math problems, so throwing him at his sister-in-law’s disorganized checkbook was perfect symbiosis. (My mom sticks to forcibly removing items from Noonie’s front porch over her sister’s protestations, saying things like “Fire hazard!” and “You’ll trip!)

A week later I got this in the mail from Noonie. She’d written out the Good Luck Fast Money spell on an index card for me, because she’s sweet like that.

Notice that any salt will work, but sea salt is preferable. Because, reasons. Also, the last step is key: Thank the Universe.

Meanwhile my dad was en fuego with Noonie’s bank situation, calling me every few days with another update on a knot he’d untied – the single unpaid bill that triggered predatory lending rates, the nice people at the bank trying to “help” this elderly lady and longtime customer by getting her involved in confusing lending opportunities, that sort of thing. “It’s a good thing you told me about this, Nance,” Dad said. “We’re going to get this all sorted out.”

I had, by this time, filed away Noonie’s spell in the big box where I keep letters I want to save, because it is so quintessentially Noonie. Plus, super funny blog post prompt, my aunt and her sea salt pennies.

A couple of weeks ago my dad called with the final Noonie Banking update. He had slain the beast, transferred funds from this account to that, paid off credit cards, worked out a monthly budget with her, set up a two-envelope bill tracking system, gotten her agreement that he will balance her checkbook on a monthly basis from now on. As a result, she is no longer paying finance fees on a bunch of cards, which will save her a significant amount of money.

And we can all agree with Poor Richard that a penny saved is a penny earned, right?

Holy crap. Noonie’s spell worked. Feel free to try it yourself, and don’t trip over the pennies in my front hallway.

Looking for Easy Money? So’s Bruce.

***I’m over on NickMom this week, confessing the thoughts that are REALLY going through my head while I exercise. Now you know why I prefer to sit still.