We Need to Stop Judging and Start Accepting Ourselves

Author and blogger Elizabeth Kesses recently shared with us some of her insights on self-esteem.

When I was a little girl, I loved having my photo taken. Then after the age of about 11, there are no more photos of me in our albums. I avoided mirrors with a vengeance, refused to try on clothes in shops and went to the hairdresser kicking and screaming - an hour in front of the mirror was torture. ‎All I could see was ugliness.

I suffered from terribly low self-esteem, so the way I looked was an easy target for self-criticism. Everyone at school was prettier and had nicer everything than me. I became borderline anorexic later in adult life and “androgynized” myself at one point, to eliminate any femininity or points of comparison with others. 

I can't imagine how hard it is today for teen girls, with the deluge of selfies and social networks. The world is driven by beauty today from TV shows about models to dating websites and Facebook profiles--and it is extremely challenging not to get caught up in the narcissism. The consequence is problems like eating disorders, cosmetic surgery and unhealthy behavior like using sex to gain attention.

‎ But what’s most destructive is how we talk to ourselves. When we look in a mirror, walk into a meeting, or arrive at a party most of us will go into “negative autopilot.” would never talk to a loved one the way we talk to ourselves. 

Self-esteem and resilience are built on a belief in who and what we are. I had low confidence as a child, so I became brilliant at school as a way of seeking approval, I chose a job in advertising as it was socially acceptable and I married my business partner as it made me feel safe.

I had no idea who I was. Then life dealt me some blows and I was forced to go away and do the “pray” part of Eat, Pray, Love. I had studied literature at Oxford but never dared write. I loved creating fairytale stories as a child but it stopped there. I began blogging and after a bit of success at the Huffington Post, I wrote a book about a little girl with low self-esteem called  The Ugly Little Girl.

The saddest thing for any of us is not to do or be what we want to in life. It's about being in your truth and not giving two hoots what others say. All that matters is your opinion of yourself, for that is the greatest opinion of all.

~Elizabeth Kesses, Author of the Ugly Little Girl, Dove ambassador and Huffington Post blogger