Difficult Second Book Phase: Complete. . .Almost.

Sore eyes from squinting at a manuscript/monitor/tablet? (By 'tablet' I could just as easily be referring to Valium, as to the latest tech gadget).

Physically exhausted from trading headlocks with your Editor, who is either completely insane, or a far-sighted genius, depending on what they think of your work?

Paralysed by anxiety at the thought of forthcoming signing sessions?

Seen off three Prime Ministers, eight Newcastle United managers, and one Sunday tabloid since you started your first draft?

Hired a solicitor that makes Saul Goodman look like Atticus Finch in case you forgot to change anyone's name?

If you can answer yes to any of the above you've probably just finished writing a book. Of course, that's the easy part. Now the fun starts; convincing shops that sell books that it's in their interests to sell books, (a no-brainer you would think).

Sitting at a little table, behind a pile of YOUR books, as people ask for directions to the latest Katie Price/Jamie Oliver/Pilates Contorto-fest Compendium. If anyone has ever opened any of the above more than once, I'll eat the contents page of said book.

Looking blankly at people who ask you what it's about because your not even sure yourself anymore. Did I really almost get kidnapped? What was I doing outside Bing Crosby's old house?

Coming Soon: Billy No Maps

It'll all make sense.

I think.