Will Nett's Blog
May 23, 2025
May 23, 2024
January 26, 2023
Another gimlet, please, Ivor...
“Where do you get story ideas from, Will?” is probably the second most frequently asked question of me when it comes to writing, the first being something along the lines of “Ere, you should write about me, mate….are you gonna’ write about me? I’ll tell you some stories.”
I get that a lot, usually while nursing a gimlet at the bar of [REDACTED], as I’m doing now, or out with friends when someone pointedly announces what I do for a living. Someone will be over to have a look at me, for the novelty value, and give me a prod. It’s always in a pub, and is almost always men. Then they’ll mention the names of a few local mobsters they used to knock around with, and I’ll politely tell them that I’m not short of material, and then, more firmly, to beat it.
The man beside me at the bar now is gearing up to tell me his story. I can see him preparing his introduction from the corner of my eye, as he gazes into his Tom Collins. The amount of Teesside biographies I’ve almost started work on over the last decade is long and dreadful; the lottery winner, the counterfeiter, the bandit pharmacist- don’t ask. Actually, the latter of those suggestions is still on my ‘in consideration’ pile but this shortened list highlights the variety and abundance of material I’m presented with, and begs the question: where does it come from?
“You’ve just got one of them faces that people want to tell things to,” a mate of mine said, “and a good ear,” as I described a recent encounter in a pub in Scarborough. A lone afternoon drinker made a bizarre comment about my t-shirt, and went on to explain in a surprisingly frank manner his knowledge of the 1970s UK adult entertainment scene. I was in his company for no more than 10 minutes, but in that time he managed to divulge all previous addresses, his entire employment history, and the contents of his DVD collection.
A few months earlier another perfect stranger, within moments of meeting me and with no knowledge of me being a writer, made a startling confession about how they managed to spend a quite obscene amount of money on something I’m not at liberty to reveal here.
Is it a northern thing? The natives, in North Yorkshire or Teesside, or wherever you think you live around that area, certainly aren’t backwards in coming forward.
The man beside me at the bar is a maths teachers, and looks like one; overworked, clinging to a perceived idea of former coolness- aren’t we all?- and at a loss as to what to do with himself over the weekend, which officially started around 7 minutes ago.
“If I’m gonna write your story,” I say to him, “you’re gonna do me some maths, first.”
I summon the barman, Ivor, to fetch me a napkin. I could write on the pad that I’m writing this on but it feels cooler to do it on a napkin, as if we’re planning a bank heist, even though I’m not in that game anymore.
“Local area,” I said, “population?”
“Erm, local area…Boro? Durham?” says Numbers, as I’ve now christened him in my head, because that’s what writers do when they meet someone for the first time. A character has to be projected onto them.
“Durham?” I said, “do you teach maths cos you failed geography? We’ll do Boro,” making a note of it on the napkin as Ivor fetches more drinks.
The maths teacher muses for a short time and settles on 150,000 for the approximate population.
It sounds right. My last estimate would have put it at over 140,000.
Ivor slides the ever-lengthening receipt for the drinks under my nose.
“Christ, Ivor!” I said, “did you fly Tom Collins himself in to make that?”
There are approximately 80,000 registered authors in the UK, that is, people who make a liveable wage, however meagre, from some form of writing, be it scripts, copywriting, books etc. I’ve knocked 10,000 off straight away to get it down to 70,000 authors of primarily books, even though it’s likely less.
“A nice round number that can be divided neatly,” the maths teacher said.
“Aye,” I said, “get ready to be happy. The number of books published in the UK annually is about 180,000.”
“Righto,” he said, “nice and round.”
Everyone has a book in them, it is often said, whether they think it worthy of a being written or not. In fact it is my belief that everyone has three stories in them; an adventure, a romance, and a tragedy, but for the purposes of this barstool blustering, we’ll say there’s just the one.
I now suppose that there are around 100 published authors, of at least one fully-formed book, in the Middlesbrough area. It’s probably more but I’m rounding down so I can be in the Century Club, and it’ll be easier to calculate statistics when I edit this at home without Numbers sitting beside me.
At the top end then, of these 100 authors- many of whom don’t write non-fiction- working on the stories of 150,000 people, translates to 1,500 stories per author. Whittle again, to remove the stories of people who are just plain uninteresting- that’s not to say they don’t have a story, but there isn’t a market for complications relating to your Auntie Jan’s wheelie bin collection dates- and we can get it to 1000 stories.
“You can take out maths teacher stories from that lot,” I said, jokingly, “so we’re down to, what, 999?”
That works out at 10 stories- let’s say books- per author, which is more than enough to go around, and I’ve already written five, which leaves me with five more to go.
“And mine,” the maths teacher said.
Disregard Numbers’ biography for the time being.
I reckon I’ve got 5 books left in me. I’m looking at my slate, now, and there’s 5 books on it. An already-announced novel, Hogweed; a biography of an associate who’s had as colourful a life as you could ever imagine; a travelogue on whatever’s left of mainland Europe and the UK; an unsolved Teesside murder- not that one- and my autobiography, which of course will be pretentiously described as a memoir.
I’m fully-booked then, until 2039, or thereabouts, so, I guess what I’m trying to say is stop telling me to write about you, and get writing yourself. There’s enough stories to go around. Besides, I need to spend more time with my drinks.
Another gimlet, please, Ivor. *No maths teachers were harmed during the writing of this article, although one was stuck for a substantial bar tab.
Bank Notes: An Anthology
I get that a lot, usually while nursing a gimlet at the bar of [REDACTED], as I’m doing now, or out with friends when someone pointedly announces what I do for a living. Someone will be over to have a look at me, for the novelty value, and give me a prod. It’s always in a pub, and is almost always men. Then they’ll mention the names of a few local mobsters they used to knock around with, and I’ll politely tell them that I’m not short of material, and then, more firmly, to beat it.
The man beside me at the bar now is gearing up to tell me his story. I can see him preparing his introduction from the corner of my eye, as he gazes into his Tom Collins. The amount of Teesside biographies I’ve almost started work on over the last decade is long and dreadful; the lottery winner, the counterfeiter, the bandit pharmacist- don’t ask. Actually, the latter of those suggestions is still on my ‘in consideration’ pile but this shortened list highlights the variety and abundance of material I’m presented with, and begs the question: where does it come from?
“You’ve just got one of them faces that people want to tell things to,” a mate of mine said, “and a good ear,” as I described a recent encounter in a pub in Scarborough. A lone afternoon drinker made a bizarre comment about my t-shirt, and went on to explain in a surprisingly frank manner his knowledge of the 1970s UK adult entertainment scene. I was in his company for no more than 10 minutes, but in that time he managed to divulge all previous addresses, his entire employment history, and the contents of his DVD collection.
A few months earlier another perfect stranger, within moments of meeting me and with no knowledge of me being a writer, made a startling confession about how they managed to spend a quite obscene amount of money on something I’m not at liberty to reveal here.
Is it a northern thing? The natives, in North Yorkshire or Teesside, or wherever you think you live around that area, certainly aren’t backwards in coming forward.
The man beside me at the bar is a maths teachers, and looks like one; overworked, clinging to a perceived idea of former coolness- aren’t we all?- and at a loss as to what to do with himself over the weekend, which officially started around 7 minutes ago.
“If I’m gonna write your story,” I say to him, “you’re gonna do me some maths, first.”
I summon the barman, Ivor, to fetch me a napkin. I could write on the pad that I’m writing this on but it feels cooler to do it on a napkin, as if we’re planning a bank heist, even though I’m not in that game anymore.
“Local area,” I said, “population?”
“Erm, local area…Boro? Durham?” says Numbers, as I’ve now christened him in my head, because that’s what writers do when they meet someone for the first time. A character has to be projected onto them.
“Durham?” I said, “do you teach maths cos you failed geography? We’ll do Boro,” making a note of it on the napkin as Ivor fetches more drinks.
The maths teacher muses for a short time and settles on 150,000 for the approximate population.
It sounds right. My last estimate would have put it at over 140,000.
Ivor slides the ever-lengthening receipt for the drinks under my nose.
“Christ, Ivor!” I said, “did you fly Tom Collins himself in to make that?”
There are approximately 80,000 registered authors in the UK, that is, people who make a liveable wage, however meagre, from some form of writing, be it scripts, copywriting, books etc. I’ve knocked 10,000 off straight away to get it down to 70,000 authors of primarily books, even though it’s likely less.
“A nice round number that can be divided neatly,” the maths teacher said.
“Aye,” I said, “get ready to be happy. The number of books published in the UK annually is about 180,000.”
“Righto,” he said, “nice and round.”
Everyone has a book in them, it is often said, whether they think it worthy of a being written or not. In fact it is my belief that everyone has three stories in them; an adventure, a romance, and a tragedy, but for the purposes of this barstool blustering, we’ll say there’s just the one.
I now suppose that there are around 100 published authors, of at least one fully-formed book, in the Middlesbrough area. It’s probably more but I’m rounding down so I can be in the Century Club, and it’ll be easier to calculate statistics when I edit this at home without Numbers sitting beside me.
At the top end then, of these 100 authors- many of whom don’t write non-fiction- working on the stories of 150,000 people, translates to 1,500 stories per author. Whittle again, to remove the stories of people who are just plain uninteresting- that’s not to say they don’t have a story, but there isn’t a market for complications relating to your Auntie Jan’s wheelie bin collection dates- and we can get it to 1000 stories.
“You can take out maths teacher stories from that lot,” I said, jokingly, “so we’re down to, what, 999?”
That works out at 10 stories- let’s say books- per author, which is more than enough to go around, and I’ve already written five, which leaves me with five more to go.
“And mine,” the maths teacher said.
Disregard Numbers’ biography for the time being.
I reckon I’ve got 5 books left in me. I’m looking at my slate, now, and there’s 5 books on it. An already-announced novel, Hogweed; a biography of an associate who’s had as colourful a life as you could ever imagine; a travelogue on whatever’s left of mainland Europe and the UK; an unsolved Teesside murder- not that one- and my autobiography, which of course will be pretentiously described as a memoir.
I’m fully-booked then, until 2039, or thereabouts, so, I guess what I’m trying to say is stop telling me to write about you, and get writing yourself. There’s enough stories to go around. Besides, I need to spend more time with my drinks.
Another gimlet, please, Ivor. *No maths teachers were harmed during the writing of this article, although one was stuck for a substantial bar tab.
Bank Notes: An Anthology
January 19, 2022
Fly Me To The Moon
Bank Notes: An AnthologyI've been talking to the nation's NUMBER 1 football fanzine about Boro, Bolckow, and my new book....BANK NOTES.
https://fmttmboro.com/index.php?ams/b...
Which one of you told me to ‘write some fiction’ after the Charlton game in December 2019? It was one of you. Anyway, over the past 18 months I’ve done just that, although ‘The Case of the Shot-shy Strikers,’ inspired by that particular game, didn’t make the final cut on this occasion. December, and specifically Christmas Eve, marks the 10th anniversary of my first book, My Only Boro: A Walk Through Red & White. To mark the occasion I have written an anthology of the kind of stories, literary or otherwise, that have influenced my work. Bank Notes is as much influenced by Round the Twist, Tales of the Unexpected, and Tales from the Crypt, for example, as it is by Boards of Canada, and Henry Bolckow. Add to this the type of disorderly episodes I usually find myself in, on this occasion involving French mobsters, a pair of moody suitcases, and a very precocious cat, and you have a recipe for a particular brand of mysterious chaos, shot through with a streak of Teesside that’s as thick as a Boxing Day shite. I’ve even thrown in a free palindrome, for the more discerning reader.
An interplanetary package holiday takes a dark turn. A man is driven to madness by an unseen torturer. Construction workers discover a tunnel beneath the streets of Nice. The author’s quest for a royal relic does not go to plan. A cat plays an unlikely role in the historical genesis of Middlesbrough. A boardgame is the undoing of a seemingly unshakeable alibi.
These, and other strange tales, form an anthology of the arcane as Will Nett’s short stories are collected together for the first time. Journey with the author, where little is as it seems, as the reader is drawn in to the blurred reality that is Bank Notes.
Bank Notes is available from Book Corner, Saltburn, Drake, Stockton, Amazon, Kindle, Sixth Element Publishing.
https://fmttmboro.com/index.php?ams/b...
Which one of you told me to ‘write some fiction’ after the Charlton game in December 2019? It was one of you. Anyway, over the past 18 months I’ve done just that, although ‘The Case of the Shot-shy Strikers,’ inspired by that particular game, didn’t make the final cut on this occasion. December, and specifically Christmas Eve, marks the 10th anniversary of my first book, My Only Boro: A Walk Through Red & White. To mark the occasion I have written an anthology of the kind of stories, literary or otherwise, that have influenced my work. Bank Notes is as much influenced by Round the Twist, Tales of the Unexpected, and Tales from the Crypt, for example, as it is by Boards of Canada, and Henry Bolckow. Add to this the type of disorderly episodes I usually find myself in, on this occasion involving French mobsters, a pair of moody suitcases, and a very precocious cat, and you have a recipe for a particular brand of mysterious chaos, shot through with a streak of Teesside that’s as thick as a Boxing Day shite. I’ve even thrown in a free palindrome, for the more discerning reader.
An interplanetary package holiday takes a dark turn. A man is driven to madness by an unseen torturer. Construction workers discover a tunnel beneath the streets of Nice. The author’s quest for a royal relic does not go to plan. A cat plays an unlikely role in the historical genesis of Middlesbrough. A boardgame is the undoing of a seemingly unshakeable alibi.
These, and other strange tales, form an anthology of the arcane as Will Nett’s short stories are collected together for the first time. Journey with the author, where little is as it seems, as the reader is drawn in to the blurred reality that is Bank Notes.
Bank Notes is available from Book Corner, Saltburn, Drake, Stockton, Amazon, Kindle, Sixth Element Publishing.
December 7, 2021
Bank Notes
I've been talking to Tees Online...about my new book, Bank Notes. Find out more.
https://thetees.online/2021/12/01/wel...
I have collected together for the first time my fiction, in the form of an anthology of the kind of stories, literary or otherwise, that influenced me as a child. Bank Notes is as much influenced by Round The Twist, Tales of the Unexpected, and The Twilight Zone, for example, as it is by Robert Aickman, Shirley Jackson and Stephen King.
An interplanetary package holiday takes a dark turn. A man is driven to madness by an unseen torturer. Construction workers discover a tunnel beneath the streets of Nice. The author’s quest for a royal relic does not go to plan. A cat helps lay the historical foundations of a northern town.
These, and other strange tales, form an anthology of the arcane as Will Nett’s short stories are collected together for the first time. Journey with the author, where little is as it seems, as the reader is drawn in to the vague reality that is Bank Notes.
https://thetees.online/2021/12/01/wel...
I have collected together for the first time my fiction, in the form of an anthology of the kind of stories, literary or otherwise, that influenced me as a child. Bank Notes is as much influenced by Round The Twist, Tales of the Unexpected, and The Twilight Zone, for example, as it is by Robert Aickman, Shirley Jackson and Stephen King.
An interplanetary package holiday takes a dark turn. A man is driven to madness by an unseen torturer. Construction workers discover a tunnel beneath the streets of Nice. The author’s quest for a royal relic does not go to plan. A cat helps lay the historical foundations of a northern town.
These, and other strange tales, form an anthology of the arcane as Will Nett’s short stories are collected together for the first time. Journey with the author, where little is as it seems, as the reader is drawn in to the vague reality that is Bank Notes.
April 12, 2021
"Never Heard Of You, Mate"
Will Nett is about 40, from Middlesbrough and the author of My Only Boro: A Walk Through Red & White, the book that was a bestseller in the town for three Christmases in a row.
Will is one of the most affable writers in the Tees area, and his global appeal and general popularity have seen his writing career straddle two millennia.
His latest book, The Golfer’s Lament: How I Reached For The Pars And Missed, was submitted for the William Hill Sports Book Of The Year Award 2020.
We caught up with Will to find out more…
How much research do you do for your books, and how?
I generally research as I write, as opposed to doing a huge of block of research first, which is perhaps uncommon in a lot of writers. As I never have a set structure as such, I’m able to experiment and put things together or move them around as I go. It sounds somewhat chaotic – and is – but it works for me. I like the element of not knowing where it will take you.
Your books have a strong Teesside feel to them – what do you love about Teesside and being a Teessider?
I love the bluntness of Teessiders, and that knack they have of puncturing pomposity and hubris. I’ve travelled extensively over the last fifteen years and always feel an affinity in places that remind me of Middlesbrough – working class port towns like Hamburg, Marseille and Glasgow.
What kind of response do you get from people in Teesside when you say you’re a writer?
See previous answer, eg. “Never heard of you, mate.” Actually, it works both ways. People are often impressed, certainly a lot more than I am by it, but they usually have a very misguided idea of what being a writer involves. The public have been very responsive and complimentary about My Only Boro in particular as it enters its second decade of being continuously in print, which is something I’m very proud of.
How do you find time to write?
Previously it was a case of whenever/wherever, trains, buses, airports, boats, which is the general nature of travel writing, but more recently I have been able to have a specific schedule in which to work. Having worked so haphazardly until now I haven’t yet decided if I prefer the new way of working.
How have you been affected by lockdown?
Aside from the problem of not being able to visit bookshops, lockdown has been hugely productive. After wading through all the unglamorously inevitable admin that comes with publishing, I’ve been able to work freely on a novel and several short stories and website articles. As the lockdown lifts, I’ll be looking for all the usual excuses to avoid writing that have served me so well in the past.
What’s next; what are you working on now?
I am currently writing a novel set in the world of organised crime, the first time I’ve attempted such a thing on this scale, as I normally work in non-fiction. Naturally, it retains many of the elements of my previous work, specifically travel, as it is partly set in the French Riviera, which bodes well for any future film adaptations.
Find Will on Facebook and Twitter, and buy his books at Drake the Bookshop in Stockton, WH Smith Teesside Park, and The Book Corner in Saltburn.
https://6e.net/product/my-only-boro/
Will is one of the most affable writers in the Tees area, and his global appeal and general popularity have seen his writing career straddle two millennia.
His latest book, The Golfer’s Lament: How I Reached For The Pars And Missed, was submitted for the William Hill Sports Book Of The Year Award 2020.
We caught up with Will to find out more…
How much research do you do for your books, and how?
I generally research as I write, as opposed to doing a huge of block of research first, which is perhaps uncommon in a lot of writers. As I never have a set structure as such, I’m able to experiment and put things together or move them around as I go. It sounds somewhat chaotic – and is – but it works for me. I like the element of not knowing where it will take you.
Your books have a strong Teesside feel to them – what do you love about Teesside and being a Teessider?
I love the bluntness of Teessiders, and that knack they have of puncturing pomposity and hubris. I’ve travelled extensively over the last fifteen years and always feel an affinity in places that remind me of Middlesbrough – working class port towns like Hamburg, Marseille and Glasgow.
What kind of response do you get from people in Teesside when you say you’re a writer?
See previous answer, eg. “Never heard of you, mate.” Actually, it works both ways. People are often impressed, certainly a lot more than I am by it, but they usually have a very misguided idea of what being a writer involves. The public have been very responsive and complimentary about My Only Boro in particular as it enters its second decade of being continuously in print, which is something I’m very proud of.
How do you find time to write?
Previously it was a case of whenever/wherever, trains, buses, airports, boats, which is the general nature of travel writing, but more recently I have been able to have a specific schedule in which to work. Having worked so haphazardly until now I haven’t yet decided if I prefer the new way of working.
How have you been affected by lockdown?
Aside from the problem of not being able to visit bookshops, lockdown has been hugely productive. After wading through all the unglamorously inevitable admin that comes with publishing, I’ve been able to work freely on a novel and several short stories and website articles. As the lockdown lifts, I’ll be looking for all the usual excuses to avoid writing that have served me so well in the past.
What’s next; what are you working on now?
I am currently writing a novel set in the world of organised crime, the first time I’ve attempted such a thing on this scale, as I normally work in non-fiction. Naturally, it retains many of the elements of my previous work, specifically travel, as it is partly set in the French Riviera, which bodes well for any future film adaptations.
Find Will on Facebook and Twitter, and buy his books at Drake the Bookshop in Stockton, WH Smith Teesside Park, and The Book Corner in Saltburn.
https://6e.net/product/my-only-boro/
June 14, 2017
Interview With Myself
Will Nett, author of My Only Boro: A Walk Through Red & White and Billy No Maps, is an elusive, itinerant Francophile traveller, still seized by the vice-like grip of Yorkshireness. Lurching into middle-age with aplomb, he’s occupied most of the time with books, bikes and backpacking, inking, drinking, and thinking. And cheese. Turns a card, rolls the bones, pops a cork. Nobody’s perfect. He’s down to earth, still employs the same butler as he did before he was published and is exhaustively obsessed with Hank Williams and Johan Cruyff.
When Did You Start Writing?
Approximately 30 years ago, when being left-handed was still a sign of the Devil, but I powered through this persecution to produce some of Overfields Primary School’s most celebrated poetry on an Olivetti typewriter that weighed as much as Saab Turbo. Still got it. Hammered out the manuscript of my first book six years ago in a ten week frenzy of gonzo journalism, historical investigation and general disorganisation; a lethal combination that has fuelled everything I’ve written since.
When Do You Write?
Whenever I’m not distracted by questionnaires. Most prolific when travelling. If I’m moving, the pen’s moving.
What Inspires You/Who Do You Like Reading?
I’m inspired by the bottomless well of material that comes with being from Middlesbrough. The circus parade of characters/miscreants – perhaps you’re one of them – that cross my path at work would fill a lifetime of books. Otherwise, great art in any form: the music of David Bowie, the paintings of Gericault and Caravaggio, (or anyone who can draw a horse. Rock hard that, innit?), or an atmospheric film like The Wicker Man, or Zodiac. On the page, the three greatest influences on my own work have been George Orwell, Gordon Burn and Nick Tosches.
Do You Plan And Plot In Advance, Or Just Write?
I’ll very rarely plot, as I mainly write non-fiction, and the best plots are always ready-made in real life. Even when writing fiction, it will usually be grounded in actual events so I don’t plan a great deal other than character names, which I tend to research very carefully, if only to see if the reader notices the significance of a character’s name.
How Long Did It Take you to Write Your Book?
My first book took ten weeks to write, (see above), and a year or so to edit, which is a very fast turnover all round. Billy No Maps existed in various forms before its current incarnation and from the moment I struck the first letter, to appearing on bookshelves, it took the best part of a decade. The first year was taken up with research and notes that mainly involved rolling around half-naked on Southern Hemisphere beaches and fighting in airports. The following years I spent obsessing over every aspect of it and wishing I’d never written a travel book in the first place. It is though, the work I’m most proud of.
How Did You Decide To Publish Your Book?
I cornered my future editor at an event run by a local writing group called Writer’s Block. That was one of Bob Beagrie’s bright ideas.
“If you don’t like it, send it back to me in this pre-paid envelope,” I said to C.G. Hatton, who is now editing this very piece, stuffing a manuscript into her arms. Then I made a great show of ripping up the envelope in front of her because “you won’t be needing that.” A few days later I was in the Sixth Element office with C.G., and a lapsed Goth with an unhealthy appetite for Diet Coke who ended up designing my book covers.
How Have You Found The Indie-Publishing Process?
At times maddening, in particular the promotional aspect of it, eg. book signings, press appearances, which has at least thrown up enough material for my next book. To see a big fat stinking paperback copy of YOUR book in a bookshop is however, very satisfying indeed.
How Do You Approach The Selling/Marketing Of Your Books?
Exactly as I write them; in a tornado of disorganisation, panic attacks, and acute anxiety. Come to one of my book signings to find out more. Bring cheese.
How Do You Interact With Readers?
Very well, in a casual setting, eg. pub/hostelry/tavern. I’ve done several public talks, including numerous visits to my former primary school, where I always find the pupils to be most attentive, even though they’re unlikely to have read my books. Once people get over the absurd notion that an author must be some sort of degree-wielding snob, and discover that it can be the man in the street, or the woman at the end of the bar, they realise that actually, ‘writers are normal’. They’re not. But, you know what I mean. My events have produced only a handful of fistfights, and virtually no casualties.
When You’re Writing, What Do You Enjoy Most About It?
It’s the only thing I do, that when I do it, I don’t think I should be doing anything else. Whenever I’m doing something else, I think I should be writing.
What Are You Working On Now?
A memoir about the absurdity of becoming an author, think David Sedaris, or Clive James, and an ill-fated account of my attempts to master the game of golf, which has quickly descended into a perfect storm of mental breakdown, severe back pain and hideous clothing. Who on earth would step out in public wearing a lavender snake belt? A golfer would.
Anything Else To Add?
If you think it can’t be done, don’t interrupt people who are doing it.
Will’s books are on sale at The Book Corner, Saltburn, Guisborough Book Shop, and some of the smaller outlets like Waterstones, W.H. Smiths and Amazon. Also available on Kindle and various eReaders.
When Did You Start Writing?
Approximately 30 years ago, when being left-handed was still a sign of the Devil, but I powered through this persecution to produce some of Overfields Primary School’s most celebrated poetry on an Olivetti typewriter that weighed as much as Saab Turbo. Still got it. Hammered out the manuscript of my first book six years ago in a ten week frenzy of gonzo journalism, historical investigation and general disorganisation; a lethal combination that has fuelled everything I’ve written since.
When Do You Write?
Whenever I’m not distracted by questionnaires. Most prolific when travelling. If I’m moving, the pen’s moving.
What Inspires You/Who Do You Like Reading?
I’m inspired by the bottomless well of material that comes with being from Middlesbrough. The circus parade of characters/miscreants – perhaps you’re one of them – that cross my path at work would fill a lifetime of books. Otherwise, great art in any form: the music of David Bowie, the paintings of Gericault and Caravaggio, (or anyone who can draw a horse. Rock hard that, innit?), or an atmospheric film like The Wicker Man, or Zodiac. On the page, the three greatest influences on my own work have been George Orwell, Gordon Burn and Nick Tosches.
Do You Plan And Plot In Advance, Or Just Write?
I’ll very rarely plot, as I mainly write non-fiction, and the best plots are always ready-made in real life. Even when writing fiction, it will usually be grounded in actual events so I don’t plan a great deal other than character names, which I tend to research very carefully, if only to see if the reader notices the significance of a character’s name.
How Long Did It Take you to Write Your Book?
My first book took ten weeks to write, (see above), and a year or so to edit, which is a very fast turnover all round. Billy No Maps existed in various forms before its current incarnation and from the moment I struck the first letter, to appearing on bookshelves, it took the best part of a decade. The first year was taken up with research and notes that mainly involved rolling around half-naked on Southern Hemisphere beaches and fighting in airports. The following years I spent obsessing over every aspect of it and wishing I’d never written a travel book in the first place. It is though, the work I’m most proud of.
How Did You Decide To Publish Your Book?
I cornered my future editor at an event run by a local writing group called Writer’s Block. That was one of Bob Beagrie’s bright ideas.
“If you don’t like it, send it back to me in this pre-paid envelope,” I said to C.G. Hatton, who is now editing this very piece, stuffing a manuscript into her arms. Then I made a great show of ripping up the envelope in front of her because “you won’t be needing that.” A few days later I was in the Sixth Element office with C.G., and a lapsed Goth with an unhealthy appetite for Diet Coke who ended up designing my book covers.
How Have You Found The Indie-Publishing Process?
At times maddening, in particular the promotional aspect of it, eg. book signings, press appearances, which has at least thrown up enough material for my next book. To see a big fat stinking paperback copy of YOUR book in a bookshop is however, very satisfying indeed.
How Do You Approach The Selling/Marketing Of Your Books?
Exactly as I write them; in a tornado of disorganisation, panic attacks, and acute anxiety. Come to one of my book signings to find out more. Bring cheese.
How Do You Interact With Readers?
Very well, in a casual setting, eg. pub/hostelry/tavern. I’ve done several public talks, including numerous visits to my former primary school, where I always find the pupils to be most attentive, even though they’re unlikely to have read my books. Once people get over the absurd notion that an author must be some sort of degree-wielding snob, and discover that it can be the man in the street, or the woman at the end of the bar, they realise that actually, ‘writers are normal’. They’re not. But, you know what I mean. My events have produced only a handful of fistfights, and virtually no casualties.
When You’re Writing, What Do You Enjoy Most About It?
It’s the only thing I do, that when I do it, I don’t think I should be doing anything else. Whenever I’m doing something else, I think I should be writing.
What Are You Working On Now?
A memoir about the absurdity of becoming an author, think David Sedaris, or Clive James, and an ill-fated account of my attempts to master the game of golf, which has quickly descended into a perfect storm of mental breakdown, severe back pain and hideous clothing. Who on earth would step out in public wearing a lavender snake belt? A golfer would.
Anything Else To Add?
If you think it can’t be done, don’t interrupt people who are doing it.
Will’s books are on sale at The Book Corner, Saltburn, Guisborough Book Shop, and some of the smaller outlets like Waterstones, W.H. Smiths and Amazon. Also available on Kindle and various eReaders.
August 8, 2014
Ten reasons why Tin Tin is the perfect role model for the modern era
As a long time fan of the bequiffed Belgian, and having recently read Pierre Assouline's Herge biography, (see left), it occured to me that the reporter-cum-sleuth has stood the test of time, (84 years!),and developed the skills that have allowed him to fit seamlessly into modern society.Here's why...
1.[image error]
He's a journalist by trade, giving him an integrity rarely found these days.
2.[image error]
As a well-travelled young man, he has all the diplomacy and tact required to deal with the recent 'influx' of 'multi-national workers.'
3. He's Belgian, making him a member of the most inoffensive, anodyne sovereign state in the world.
4. He's an animal lover.[image error]
[image error]
5. He knows his way around a firearm, suggesting a degree of empathy with modern street gangs.
6. He's tea-total.
7. His always immaculate quiff marks him down as something of a 'metrosexual.'
8.[image error]
The sartorial splendour doesnt stop with his hairstyle. His eternal batchelorhood, (yeah, I know...), allows him to spend much of his income on his wardrobe, making him something of a fashion plate. Note how comfortably he teams plus fours and loafers with a lemon pullover, or thinks nothing of dressing as a policeman, a cowboy, or an Indian...or wearing a Scottish skirt!9.[image error]
He's as comfortable among Emperors and statesmen as he is amongst lonely, middle-aged, fatherly seamen. Hang on a minute...!?
10. He's not averse to using a bit of 'factory floor' language to get his point across.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Teesside+Tin+Tin+Youtube&docid=608031772946269696&mid=D6DD99BF749077CB5E4BD6DD99BF749077CB5E4B&view=detail&FORM=VIRE3#view=detail&mid=D6DD99BF749077CB5E4BD6DD99BF749077CB5E4B
May 16, 2014
Difficult Second Book Phase: Complete. . .Almost.
Sore eyes from squinting at a manuscript/monitor/tablet? (By 'tablet' I could just as easily be referring to Valium, as to the latest tech gadget).
Physically exhausted from trading headlocks with your Editor, who is either completely insane, or a far-sighted genius, depending on what they think of your work?
Paralysed by anxiety at the thought of forthcoming signing sessions?
Seen off three Prime Ministers, eight Newcastle United managers, and one Sunday tabloid since you started your first draft?
Hired a solicitor that makes Saul Goodman look like Atticus Finch in case you forgot to change anyone's name?
If you can answer yes to any of the above you've probably just finished writing a book. Of course, that's the easy part. Now the fun starts; convincing shops that sell books that it's in their interests to sell books, (a no-brainer you would think).
Sitting at a little table, behind a pile of YOUR books, as people ask for directions to the latest Katie Price/Jamie Oliver/Pilates Contorto-fest Compendium. If anyone has ever opened any of the above more than once, I'll eat the contents page of said book.
Looking blankly at people who ask you what it's about because your not even sure yourself anymore. Did I really almost get kidnapped? What was I doing outside Bing Crosby's old house?
Coming Soon: Billy No Maps
It'll all make sense.
I think.
Physically exhausted from trading headlocks with your Editor, who is either completely insane, or a far-sighted genius, depending on what they think of your work?
Paralysed by anxiety at the thought of forthcoming signing sessions?
Seen off three Prime Ministers, eight Newcastle United managers, and one Sunday tabloid since you started your first draft?
Hired a solicitor that makes Saul Goodman look like Atticus Finch in case you forgot to change anyone's name?
If you can answer yes to any of the above you've probably just finished writing a book. Of course, that's the easy part. Now the fun starts; convincing shops that sell books that it's in their interests to sell books, (a no-brainer you would think).
Sitting at a little table, behind a pile of YOUR books, as people ask for directions to the latest Katie Price/Jamie Oliver/Pilates Contorto-fest Compendium. If anyone has ever opened any of the above more than once, I'll eat the contents page of said book.
Looking blankly at people who ask you what it's about because your not even sure yourself anymore. Did I really almost get kidnapped? What was I doing outside Bing Crosby's old house?
Coming Soon: Billy No Maps
It'll all make sense.
I think.
Will Nett's Blog
‘You’ve got to grab them by the balls on the first line. And don’t let go.’ Sound editorial advice- for once- that has been the anchor for some of the greatest books of the last century. The who, what
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