Offensive Material Below
I can't stand reading this. The explanations are tearing me apart!
Lol, what? Is she totally oblivious to what's going on?
Why are they having this conversation now?!
WHAAAAT! What! What!
I don't like this man. Seriously? Who would say that? Jerk.
REALLY?? REALLY? He KNOWS what's up! Did he forget?
Ahem. That is a sample of what I've been wading through to prepare Isomorph (my NaNoWriMo project) for publication. That's six of 115 individual notes my best friend and cousin gave me. Which, by the way, is for a small novel that's only one hundred pages long. And those are the short ones. I've gotten whole paragraphs detailing what the exclamations were for, and very helpful suggestions on how to fix them.
I bring this up because it's criticism. And we all know one person (or two - I have at least two) that has an issue with taking criticism.
Well, welcome to the real world. I want my writing to be better. Do I like reading stuff like the above? Or the whole paragraphs literally ripping my stories apart at the seams? Nope. It occasionally hurts my feelings. But you know what? I ask for that.
Let's see if you can guess why.
Now, why would I ask someone to poke holes in everything I've written? Why would I ask someone to be critical? Why would I welcome, and then thank, the people who say things like my "character is a dummy"?
Come on, now. It's not that hard.
Because I want my writing to get better.
And it won't get better if everyone pats me on the head and tells me what a great job I'm doing. No, I'll get better if people go in there, and rip it all apart. Do I want support? Of course. But do I want people to just blindly love my work? No. I want them to love it because it's worth loving - not because I wrote it. If there's going to be a compliment, then I want it to be the truth. And that means I have to take the negative as well as the positive.
The world is too sensitive. People are too sensitive. It annoys me so bad. Toughen your hide, people. You're gonna need it. It makes me want to be less nice about it than I ordinarily would be. You're going to freak out when I'm nice? Lovely. That's a great life skill. That will really help you when you're dealing with actual people at work and they start cussing you out in front of everyone.
Stop taking everything so personally.
I'm not referring to people just hating your guts and saying nasty things to be nasty. I'm talking about the critiques to things you do or say. Or constructive criticism.
I'm not saying it should make you happy to get it. But your attitude about it is important. If, for instance, you're so sensitive to criticism that you get angry and hold a grudge or burst into tears when someone points out flaws, then writing is not the career for you. Neither is any kind of art form. People can, and will, tear it down if they see something wrong with it.
No matter what you do, there will always be people who hate it, or how you do it. So you need to honestly and humbly examine what they say, even if they're hateful, to see if they have a point. Does it make sense? Can you see what they're talking about? Can what they say actually help you improve? If so, then listen, take their advice into consideration, and get over yourself.
If they're just saying what you've made is trash, then for goodness sakes, ignore them. If they aren't telling you why they think it's trash, then ask. If they can't tell you, then dismiss it. Call them what they are - trolls. They just want to tick you off.
The bottom line is, most constructive criticism is given because the person giving it wants you to improve. They want to see you succeed. And, because they're objective as far as your work goes, they're in a position to point out flaws that you'd like to pretend don't exist. Or even have no idea existed.
That criticism is given because they want to help.
But it's not going to help if your skin is so thin that something as tame as what my cousin wrote draws figurative blood. If you refuse to accept what they say, it's pointless. If you get angry and attack them, it's useless, and you'll earn a reputation for being an unpleasant person.
But maybe you don't want to change.
Boo-hoo. Sorry. That's a lame excuse. Whether you want to change or not, you're going to get that criticism. Unless, of course, you tick people off or scare them so badly that they're afraid to ever question the gloriousness of you or your work again. In which case you're being a jerk, and they'll still think it anyway. So you might as well take something positive from it.
My friend and cousin is very special. She's smart and she's truthful. She cares about how I feel about what she's said. But she values the truth more than a white lie to make me feel better for a moment. And that's why I asked her to read my stuff. Because I know she'll be honest, and I know she'll put a lot of effort into it. She cares about me, and knows this is important to me. So she puts more thought into it than the average person would who was just reading for fun. She doesn't sugarcoat it for me, and those are some of the biggest reasons I value her opinion as highly as I do.
Those are the kind of people that will make you better. As an artist, as a writer, as a person. Because they care, and because they care enough to tell you the truths that are unpleasant. Even when you don't want to hear them. Especially when you don't want to hear them.
True, some of them think that they need to be the world's quality control. And that can be annoying. But why not take it as the help it can be? Some people are brutal and blunt. Value that. Those are the people that will tell you exactly what they think. They aren't going to tell you white lies because it's what you want to hear.
Tact is important, of course. But never trade away truth for it. If you're in the position to offer constructive criticism, do it nicely. But don't be so worried about hurting their feelings that you bend the truth.
Lol, what? Is she totally oblivious to what's going on?
Why are they having this conversation now?!
WHAAAAT! What! What!
I don't like this man. Seriously? Who would say that? Jerk.
REALLY?? REALLY? He KNOWS what's up! Did he forget?
Ahem. That is a sample of what I've been wading through to prepare Isomorph (my NaNoWriMo project) for publication. That's six of 115 individual notes my best friend and cousin gave me. Which, by the way, is for a small novel that's only one hundred pages long. And those are the short ones. I've gotten whole paragraphs detailing what the exclamations were for, and very helpful suggestions on how to fix them.
I bring this up because it's criticism. And we all know one person (or two - I have at least two) that has an issue with taking criticism.
Well, welcome to the real world. I want my writing to be better. Do I like reading stuff like the above? Or the whole paragraphs literally ripping my stories apart at the seams? Nope. It occasionally hurts my feelings. But you know what? I ask for that.
Let's see if you can guess why.
Now, why would I ask someone to poke holes in everything I've written? Why would I ask someone to be critical? Why would I welcome, and then thank, the people who say things like my "character is a dummy"?
Come on, now. It's not that hard.
Because I want my writing to get better.
And it won't get better if everyone pats me on the head and tells me what a great job I'm doing. No, I'll get better if people go in there, and rip it all apart. Do I want support? Of course. But do I want people to just blindly love my work? No. I want them to love it because it's worth loving - not because I wrote it. If there's going to be a compliment, then I want it to be the truth. And that means I have to take the negative as well as the positive.
The world is too sensitive. People are too sensitive. It annoys me so bad. Toughen your hide, people. You're gonna need it. It makes me want to be less nice about it than I ordinarily would be. You're going to freak out when I'm nice? Lovely. That's a great life skill. That will really help you when you're dealing with actual people at work and they start cussing you out in front of everyone.
Stop taking everything so personally.
I'm not referring to people just hating your guts and saying nasty things to be nasty. I'm talking about the critiques to things you do or say. Or constructive criticism.
I'm not saying it should make you happy to get it. But your attitude about it is important. If, for instance, you're so sensitive to criticism that you get angry and hold a grudge or burst into tears when someone points out flaws, then writing is not the career for you. Neither is any kind of art form. People can, and will, tear it down if they see something wrong with it.
No matter what you do, there will always be people who hate it, or how you do it. So you need to honestly and humbly examine what they say, even if they're hateful, to see if they have a point. Does it make sense? Can you see what they're talking about? Can what they say actually help you improve? If so, then listen, take their advice into consideration, and get over yourself.
If they're just saying what you've made is trash, then for goodness sakes, ignore them. If they aren't telling you why they think it's trash, then ask. If they can't tell you, then dismiss it. Call them what they are - trolls. They just want to tick you off.
The bottom line is, most constructive criticism is given because the person giving it wants you to improve. They want to see you succeed. And, because they're objective as far as your work goes, they're in a position to point out flaws that you'd like to pretend don't exist. Or even have no idea existed.
That criticism is given because they want to help.
But it's not going to help if your skin is so thin that something as tame as what my cousin wrote draws figurative blood. If you refuse to accept what they say, it's pointless. If you get angry and attack them, it's useless, and you'll earn a reputation for being an unpleasant person.
But maybe you don't want to change.
Boo-hoo. Sorry. That's a lame excuse. Whether you want to change or not, you're going to get that criticism. Unless, of course, you tick people off or scare them so badly that they're afraid to ever question the gloriousness of you or your work again. In which case you're being a jerk, and they'll still think it anyway. So you might as well take something positive from it.
My friend and cousin is very special. She's smart and she's truthful. She cares about how I feel about what she's said. But she values the truth more than a white lie to make me feel better for a moment. And that's why I asked her to read my stuff. Because I know she'll be honest, and I know she'll put a lot of effort into it. She cares about me, and knows this is important to me. So she puts more thought into it than the average person would who was just reading for fun. She doesn't sugarcoat it for me, and those are some of the biggest reasons I value her opinion as highly as I do.
Those are the kind of people that will make you better. As an artist, as a writer, as a person. Because they care, and because they care enough to tell you the truths that are unpleasant. Even when you don't want to hear them. Especially when you don't want to hear them.
True, some of them think that they need to be the world's quality control. And that can be annoying. But why not take it as the help it can be? Some people are brutal and blunt. Value that. Those are the people that will tell you exactly what they think. They aren't going to tell you white lies because it's what you want to hear.
Tact is important, of course. But never trade away truth for it. If you're in the position to offer constructive criticism, do it nicely. But don't be so worried about hurting their feelings that you bend the truth.
No comments have been added yet.
