Sometimes Labels Can Be Helpful

I had someone apply an interesting label to me the other day. It was surprising, honestly, but also revealing. 

I've always placed a very low emphasis on physical appearances. In friends and possible romantic partners. It just never mattered much to me. Whereas another woman may have dismissed some people I've spoken to simply because they weren't attractive to them, I did not. 

Putting a person's inner self over their outer self has been something I've been good at for a long time. You might say I was raised that way. I was brought up with a huge emphasis on the inside of a person. I was encouraged to wear clothing that didn't emphasize my body, and even reject clothing that brought too much attention to it. My mom would say that it distracted from my face, and that I wanted them to see my smile, not my body. 

Because of all that, I knew growing up that who I was, who I decided to be, was more important than what I looked like. As opposed to the training about clothing, I was taught to tell the truth. To be kind, to listen, to think things through. To seek the truth, even if it meant I was wrong. I was told that those things were far more important than people seeing a pretty face or shapely body. 

Now that I'm older, I can not only see the wisdom in this, but I can live that way. 

A body will fail, fall apart, grow older. I'm young now, but I won't look like this forever. If someone is attracted to me because they think I'm pretty, what happens when I'm no longer pretty? 

Being pretty is not a positive in relationships. Not to me. Being pretty is detrimental, because it draws people who only think of physical things. If you're not pretty, they won't show up as much. The people who are shallow, the ones who only want one thing from you, vanish because they don't want it from you. They want it from someone prettier, hotter, more beautiful. 

This world, this place, this time, there is too much emphasis on the physical. Far too much. It distracts from the people. Anyone who plays online games like World of Warcraft will understand when I say that women are sexualized. The armor they wear in games is not designed to be realistically effective. It's designed to make them look pretty, attractive, sexy. The focus is wrong. Art is the same way. The focus is on the body. 

People worry too much about looking good. People spend millions of dollars every year on fitness. Many of them, it's not because they want to be healthy. It's because they want others to think they're hot. 

Swim suits are the same way. The purpose of a swim suit is to make it possible to swim. Because regular clothes are heavy when wet. They were not made so that men and women can flaunt their bodies on the beach. They were made for a purpose. I don't want to drown when I go swimming, do you? I also don't want to wear a bikini and have it fall off because I was more worried about looking attractive than its practicality. 

I was called a sapiosexual. 

All it really means is that mental attributes (intelligence, character, personality) are how I decide a person's attractiveness. Or, as some definitions put it, I'm attracted to intelligence. 

As far as that goes, I guess it's accurate. I think it's hilarious when a man comes into the store where I work in a tight tank top. Because I'm the only single female that works there, and I don't care. Dude, that ain't gonna help you here. I'll just laugh at you. It's even funnier when some guy with a shirtless picture looks at my profile. The truth is, I have decided not to contact men because they have those kinds of pictures of themselves. It really cuts down on the shallow ones. 

It's hilarious! You want a woman that loves you for who you are? Well, I'm the kind that would. But I'm avoiding you because your focus is seriously messed up. I don't care what you look like. I care about who you are. Who you've chosen to be. I also care that you put mental and emotional above physical. You're going to wear (or not wear) stuff like that? I'm not going to take you as seriously. Man or woman. 

I would happily marry Quasimodo if, mentally, he was what I was looking for. I would also refuse to marry the best looking man in the world if he was self-centered. I might also turn him down if he posted pictures of himself shirtless. If he wants attention for that, he can find it somewhere else. 

So yeah. I guess I am a sapiosexual. It sure cleared things up for me. Although I wouldn't say it applies only to what I find attractive. It also goes for the things I find annoying. 

I have little to no patience for things like selfies. Those bug the fire out of me, especially when a girl is wearing heavy makeup or some revealing outfit. Seriously? You want to know why you can't find a guy that likes you for your mind? It's because the bait you've chosen to attract men is your body. It's distracting. Dur. 

I also can't stand bikinis. I think they should all just mysteriously vanish. I mean, come on. The beach is a place to have fun, to swim, to spend time with your family and play games. It's not a catwalk, it's not a man/woman buffet. Swimming is a sport, and it's a pastime. You don't need to flash every square inch of skin that's legal to do that. 

But apparently most people don't have these problems. They like ogling and being ogled. Apparently, most people have their priorities a little backward. Oh, but they'll say that's just me and my weirdness. Not everyone determines attractiveness based on a person's mind. And they don't. 

But maybe they would be happier if they did.