Where Are They Now?

I think that “looking both ways” was the most important message to come from the movie Mean Girls. It’s true that there are plenty of other obvious themes from which our society can benefit: accepting others for who they are, female empowerment, respect, understanding self-worth, learning that words have power, that Kalteen bars make you gain weight, that butter isn’t a carb, and of course, the meaning of true friendship — but had it not been for the film’s street safety PSA, some of us may not be here today to read and/or write this.

School buses, it turns out, are the real Mean Girls.

Never has that fact been clearer than this morning when Leandra almost got hit by a bus. What’s strange if not absolutely serendipitous is that today marks the official ten year anniversary of the most-quoted teen movie in history, and while drinking our coffee in the projection room above the auditorium discussing how weird it was that Leandra almost lost her shins, we received another piece of news: 2014 also commemorates the tenth year that VH1′s hit show Where Are They Now has been off the air. Which is simply to say — you can’t get what we’re about give you anywhere else.

So, VH1 mourners and Mean Girls enthusiasts, unite, because we know where Regina George, Cady Heron, Gretchen Wieners, Karen Smith, Janis Ian and Damian (just Damian) are now.

Regina George has aged out of her silver Lexus and now travels via private jet. Instead of Fendi purses, she totes Saint Laurent purses, and has replaced her love of velour track suits for expensive yoga pants. She’s the editrix of a women’s fashion magazine in Japan where the majority of her daily wardrobe is straight up Versace. This is a gig she worked her way up to after attending college on a lacrosse scholarship.

Cady Heron became a photographer for National Geographic. Because she’s constantly traveling, her closet has become a tightly edited selection of comfortable flats, white shirts and loose trousers — her favorite of which are Céline. Cady’s “thing” is buying a new bracelet in every country she visits, and her favorite band is still Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

Gretchen Wieners left the Cool Asian clique once high school ended and joined three different sororities in college. After graduating, she moved to Williamsburg where she adopted a new group of friends called The Hipsters, and a uniform of high waisted denim, ’90s shirts, flatforms, boater hats and John Lennon sunglasses. She’s brought back the hoop earrings and started a sustainable clothing line. It’s called “Fetch.”

Karen Smith graduated cum laude from Harvard and went on to get her PHD from Yale, where she is now a professor in meteorology. Her wardrobe is a combination of A-line skirts, blouses and sweater vests with waist belts, but it’s less “librarian” and far more Michael Kors. Her boobs can still tell when it’s raining.

Janis Ian had her style nailed early on, but her current status as a premier gallery owner and world-renowned artist has allowed for an abundance of Junya Watanabe and Comme des Garçons. She’s still loyal to her old Doc Martens (although Balenciaga boots make a regular appearance) and her collection of flannels rivals that of Jared Leto’s as a man or woman.

Damian interned at W during college then landed a job at GQ where he currently works for both print and web. He wears a lot of GANT, cuffs all of his pants, loves trendy sneakers and carries a sharp canvas tote with leather detailing. His signature item is a pair of custom cuff links engraved with the number “4,” made by Chanel. You know. As in Coco.

And last but not least, we can’t forget Wendy. Wendy skipped college and moved to Montana where she became a billionaire after her Kickstarter for turning her dad’s old tools into mustard became the most successful start up in history. Yes, even more so than Facebook.

Wait, who’s Wendy?

SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.

Illustrations by Charlotte Fassler