To Our Beloved Guest

Dearest Sister, Dearest Guest,

We are so delighted you will be staying at our home, and feel absolutely downcast that we cannot be there to entertain you! But even so, we want to extend our sincerest hospitality to you—please feel free to kick your shoes off (provided you are wearing socks. You are wearing socks, right?).

Our deepest fear is that you would enter our humble abode and feel like a guest, Heaven forbid! So we decided to craft a little Welcome List explaining how things work and whe...