I Flee the Midwest, to New England's Horror

Tony and the kids and I are vamoosing for a week on Cape Cod, where our in-laws will be forced to pretend it's good to see us. And we'll pretend we've missed them. And then we'll all troop to the beach and pretend we're not courting various melanoma.
I'll be signing stock while we're there, pestering the staff at the Borders and Barnes & Noble in Hyannis to let me deface their copies of my books. (I enjoy scribbling in books I'll never see again.) That way I can pretend that it's work...