D is for Dildos

So, two people have unsubscribed from my newsletter since I started my “Sex Toys from A to Z” series, and I thought I would take a second to address this.

I write about sex. Most of my books are about sex. If you weren’t aware of it before, you are now. You will be getting sexy stories and reviews of sexy and/or sexual items in your inbox if you are on the mailing list. It’s for grown-ups, so please be of legal age to view such items.
The mailing list has an inoffensive name, and won’t incriminate you if coworkers are scanning over your shoulder at work. But if I were you, I’d look into that situation. What kind of creeps do you work with, anyway?
Good riddance. The peeps who unsubscribed were probably only signed up to my list because of a giveaway and/or because they wanted free books. Which they’d likely trash in a review, because they don’t actually enjoy erotica. Weirdos.

Having said that, thanks to everyone who’s still here! You are awesome, not only because you enjoy reading my posts, but also because you’re clearly discerning perverts. Thanks for keeping it real.

And now, without further ado… DILDOS.

What’s a dildo? Only the most popular type of sex toy around! (Second only to vibrators, which are frequently just another form of dildo.)

Dildos are toys shaped like penises. Some of them are broadly phallic, while others are ridiculously detailed, and some even claim to be exact copies of famous pornstars’ members.

Here are some garden variety dildos:

Dildos can be used alone or with a harness (strap-on), during solo sex or with a partner, so they’re pretty versatile. They can basically be used any which way you’d use a real penis (i.e. vaginal or anal penetration, clitoral stimulation, having a partner perform fellatio on the member, “packing”), and both guys and gals can incorporate them into their sexual fantasies. Since they come in a wide range of sizes, shapes, colors and materials (Pyrex, glass, rubber, silicone, stainless steel, wood, etc.), you can start quite a collection in search of The Perfect Dong.

For those curious about what it’s like to have a cock for a day, packing can be a fun roleplaying activity. All you need is a harness like the one pictured above, along with the dildo of your choice. Strap it on and enjoy spinning out scenarios in which you’re the man of the house. What would you do with a cock?

Incidentally, there is actually a whole book of answers to this question. It’s called Dick for a Day, in case you’re curious. I haven’t read it, but there are lots of GoodReads reviews of it that suggest most of the stories weren’t very imaginative, and that some were downright frat boy-esque. Interesting, no?

Now, if I had a dick for a day, the most obvious thing to do would be to masturbate with it for a while. Watch the cum fly, try to see how far I could get it to arc (if at all), and see how many times in one day I could enjoy this activity. I’d also be curious to see if my brain were altered at all by this new appendage, since ladies love to say that men think with their dicks.

What would my cock respond to, sexually? What would cause it to spring upright, curious to explore? What would offend it, make it shrink back down in disgust, shrivel into a queasy snail curled in on itself? Would I still want to fuck men, or would I be drawn to women? Would I tell my husband about it? And how would he react if I did?

If I had a cock for a day, I’d explore porn, scour the internet for images, waste my time watching videos and indulging in orgasms. Knowing I had to give it back, I’d use and abuse it. I’d subject it to cock rings, warming lube, bubble wrap sleeves, and anything else I could think of.

And, if I could find any takers, I’d use it to have sex with a partner, too. Maybe I could convince my husband to get freaky with my shiny new penis, to indulge in an unusual 69, or stroke it the way he strokes his own shaft when I ask him to masturbate for me. Would he find this exciting or repulsive? What if he knew it was just for a day? Would he play with me? If not, would he give me permission to explore with someone else? Would we have an open relationship for a day, to satisfy my curiosity? What are the limits of a relationship in which a new appendage comes between you?

I’m starting to sound like Orlando on Viagra. Although technically Orlando went from male to female, which is somehow less confusing than vice-versa.

I think I’m going to have to grab a copy of that Dick for a Day book now. What about you?

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