Virtual Tribe

Not so long ago, I spent several years in a boat, mostly in rural locations. We had no car, money was tight, and I was suffering anxiety in ways that made in-person social stuff exhausting. There was nowhere to go, and no way to get there most of the time, and when there was, I found it hard. Things have improved a lot for me in the last year, but I will not forget what I learned.

I would have felt totally socially alienated on the boat, had it not been for the internet and the radio, both of which were intermittent. On Sunday nights, we listened to Genevieve Tudor’s folk program, and on Wednesdays, Radio 2 folk. These were essential, giving me a sense of connection to community and heritage. Inspired by good music, and having a sense of being part of this scattered, folky tribe, really helped me.

You have no idea how central a fixed residential address is to your legal, social and political identity until you haven’t got one. Some days I would look at the houses, and feel like some kind of exile. I no longer belonged. Sometimes it was difficult to establish legally that I existed. Everything was made that bit harder by the absence of a fixed address. But I still had a home in the folk community. I still belonged there.

My online tribe comes from across the world. Greens, Pagans, Steampunks, Folkies, authors, artists, dreamers, creators…Many of you I will never meet in person. Some of those internet connections have tuned into powerful friendships and working partnerships. Tom, I married! I take my internet tribe seriously. During those hard years, my online tribe supported, encouraged and inspired me. It didn’t matter so much that I was in a boat, with limited options and a nervous wreck. On facebook, I could contribute as an equal. That meant a great deal to me.

I know that some of the people in my virtual tribe are geographically isolated – the only Pagan in the village and other such issues. I know that some of my tribe are limited by mobility issues, and some lack the resources to be out and about. I know I’m not the only one to have struggled with mental health impacting on social experience. On facebook or twitter, or a blog like this we all arrive as equals. Our wheels, pills, variously shaped crutches, and the things that might disenfranchise us the rest of the time just aren’t so visible. That’s liberating, or it can be.

Knowing what a lifeline and sanity saver the virtual tribe is, I get both cross and depressed by the people who devalue this space. The folk for whom online isn’t real are themselves a problem. Some of them manifest this with rudeness and aggression they would never consider acceptable in ‘real life’. Many are emotionally fraudulent, playing games with other people’s hearts and minds as casual amusement. Many simply take the time to acknowledge this isn’t the real world, or their real life and this tribe is pretend and not so important as what you can do face to face and in person. That devalues us, needlessly. It is not kind, true or helpful.

When you have health, transport, money, leisure time and people you like in decent proximity, the internet can seem a lot less real and significant. For people missing some, or all of those things, it is a whole other experience. Can I suggest that if the online tribes are unreal to you, or you think what happens online doesn’t count, or matter, the you shouldn’t be online. I’m weary of the devaluing.

I’m no advocate of being online all the time – anything done all the time tends not to be a good idea. I wouldn’t advocate being in the pub all the time, either. This is a space, like any other. If you’re tuning up, treat it with respect and don’t feel obliged to humour the people who think it’s ok to do otherwise. After all if we were in a bar and someone came in and took a dump, we’d complain. There’s no need to tolerate the virtual equivalents.