Obama To Propose Ending Public Awareness Of NSA’s Phone Call Sweep

The White House has announced that President Obama would like American public to once again be unaware of the National Security Agency’s business of storing sweeping telephone data. Reportedly, the President feels that willful denial of the situation would assuage privacy concerns almost as much as the NSA ceasing to collect such data.

“Honestly,” President Obama supposedly stated, “people have been getting pretty mad about this. I don’t like it when people are mad. We all know the NSA is going to keep doing it regardless what I tell you…or them. Can’t we just go back to all of us pretending that it doesn’t happen? Would you all be good with that?”

The President then turned his attention to the situation in Crimea so that he could be ignored by Russian President Vladimir Putin instead of the NSA.