Please Don’t Label Me
*A guest post by my husband, Matthew L. Jacobson
No one likes a negative label assigned to them based on a mistake, wrong choice, or even downright sin.
He’s a . . .
She’s so . . .
He’s a big . . .
She never . . .
If most people I know were going to wear a label it would read: DON’T LABEL ME!
Have you grown, matured, repented, or changed? We all want to move on. We’re even instructed in Scripture to, “Forget those things that are behind and press on . . . to our calling in Christ Jesus.”
I certainly don’t want to be defined by my lesser moments from the past. Do you? Of course not! Why? Because we all want to be genuinely loved by those closest to us and if people are using your failures to define you, whatever they may be – large or small – love is not what we are experiencing from them.
Even if someone is in the midst of their worst moment, love says, “I will not allow your present failure to define you.”
Isn’t this the kind of unconditional love we desire? Isn’t this the kind of love we’re called to extend to others? The Bible says Jesus loved us while we were still sinners. He loved us when we were hardest to love.
Sometimes our extended family can be the worst, never letting a brother, sister, son, daughter, uncle, dad, or mom be who they’ve become – never missing an opportunity to make that cutting remark about how so-and-so did that stupid thing, failed in the past, didn’t measure up, embarrassed herself, etc. The fried chicken and the weather at the picnic might be good, but the gathering resembles a bucket of crabs – as soon as one tries to climb out, another grabs his leg and pulls him back in.
The message is clear: You’ll always be the collection of bad choices, mistakes, and short-comings we’ve all known you to be.
Love does no such thing. Love says no such thing – especially when it comes to our children.
Our God is a Redeemer
What a heartache we endure as parents when our children make mistakes and/or walk in sin. Sometimes the consequences are lasting and we feel the loss like a knife in the heart. But, there’s something we need to remember….
A wrong choice does not define a life direction.
And, that’s good news. But, the news is even better than this. Even a string of wrong choices does not define a life direction.
Our children, even . . . no, especially . . . in their worst moments, need to know that we still believe in them, hope for them, and know they can win. The need for our children to know they are not losers is strongest in the moment of failure and defeat. The consequences will unfold and they will speak with a voice of their own but, from whom will our children get the message they so desperately need?
Yes, you’re disappointed. Yes, you’re hurt by your child’s choices – even angry. But don’t forget you are in a position of immense influence at these critical moments and your child is listening to the message you are sending.
You were once young. Did you make all the right moves? No? How did God appraise you, then? Did he define you by your failures? Or, did He believe in who He created you to be?
God is The Redeemer. We are not defined by the mistakes we make but by Who paid for them.
Don’t lose heart. Don’t give up hope.We’ve all had moments of wrong choices. God never defines His children by their shortcomings but by the righteousness of His own Son.
Let’s do for our children what God does for us. Like the father of the prodigal son, standing every day, looking for his return, we can do the same in our hearts toward our own children.
Remember God’s perspective: We are not defined by where we’ve been but by where we are going.
Matthew is an author, president of Loyal Arts Literary Agency, and teaching elder in the local church. He’s married to Lisa, and together they’re bringing up their 8 children on a small acreage in the Pacific NW. When they’re not gardening or reading, you’ll find them holding hands, sipping Peet’s coffee, or deep into conversation with some – or all – of their children. The Jacobsons are authors of several books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for children’s literature, How Did God Make Me? You can find him at MatthewLJacobson.com,on Facebook and Twitter.
Check out our NEW eBooks, 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson
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