Raising Kids Who Might Fall…But Will Get Back Up Again

I held my breath as I watched him venture out.

One step.

Then another.

My hands were shaking – as ridiculous as that may sound – when I entered the digits of his daddy’s cellphone number. Without a greeting or the usual preliminaries, I burst out into the phone: HE IS WALKING!! He’s taken his first steps!

You would have thought he’d walked on the moon.

A moment of grand celebration.

Then, right before my eyes….

Our son teetered.

Tottered.

And fell fully and directly right on his face.

Waaahhh!!

I rushed over to baby, scooped him up, wiped his tears, and set him back on his feet.

Then I urged him to TRY AGAIN.

And that, of course, was only the beginning. Because after walking came running. Then jumping and skating. And then the ultimate thrill of climbing.

Something inside our child inspires him to simply keep moving. But motion rarely comes without some stumbling, falling, aches and pains.

We Don’t Live in a Sin-Free Zone

Our home is as prone to gravity – and temptation and sin – as yours.

Maybe you think you’re the only one. You look around and so many others don’t seem to be struggling with the same things that you and yours are. But believe me, they are.

Because the kids who learn to walk will eventually fall. At some time or another. I know all mine sure have.

And this goes for the spiritual realm every bit as much as the physical realm.

So I’m going to confess something.  If I had my way? Our children would never trip, never fall, never know grief, hurt, or regret.

Yet that’s not the world we live in. We don’t live in a sin-free zone.

I wish we did. But we don’t.

Our children have gone places they were not supposed to go. They’ve seen things they were not supposed to see. They’ve said things they were not supposed to say.

I think you get the idea….

But here’s the key: your response to your children’s mistakes and sins will have a strong impact on their lives from that moment going forward. They need to know that you’re not going to flip out. You’re not going to look away. And you’re certainly not going to give up.

And neither should they.

So what does a parent do when a child stumbles or falls?

Start with confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Our hope is that our kids will come to us with a contrite heart, but there are times when we’ve had to go to them. The best place to begin is for them to see  where they went wrong and repent of it. Then they can walk in the freedom of forgiveness.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I Jn. 1:9)

Care more about the truth than about appearances. We can be tempted to cover what’s really going on. We’re concerned about what other people think. But our main concern needs to be the truth of what’s going on in their hearts.

Don’t take it personally. Not that you can help experiencing grief or hurt as the parent of your child, but keep in mind that this is not about us and more about what God is doing – and needs to do – in their young lives.

Don’t take off on a long, luxurious guilt trip. You can’t afford it. I know what it is to feel regret as a parent, but don’t linger there. But instead….

Be willing to re-evaluate. Take an honest look at the situation and the child and see what changes might need to be made. Stronger boundaries? More loving attention? Apply appropriate consequences?

Let the consequences teach its lesson. Often the most loving thing we can do for our children is to not stand in the way of the natural and/or necessary consequences.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb. 12:11)

Communicate love, compassion, and confidence in your child. And in the Savior who loves you both. When your child messes up, makes a mistake, or even blatantly sins—-communicate with your eyes and from the depth of your soul that nothing has changed in your love and in your strong hope for the good things God has in store for them.

So, mom, go ahead and scoop him up.

Set him back on his feet.

And urge him to try AGAIN.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary,

And the young men shall utterly fall,

But those who wait on the LORD

Shall renew their strength. (Isa. 40:29-30)

So how about you? What do you do when your children stumble? Or what are some of the challenges you’ve encountered? 

Coming next: Raising Kids who walk in the power of purity

In His grace,

*Check out our NEW eBooks, 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

This is Part Three of the series: Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids. If you’d like the posts from this series delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, 31 Days to a Better Marriage).