Trouble with Possums
Well, anyone who’s been following my Twitter lately has seen that I’m currently fighting off a possum invasion. And by “fighting off” I mean “doing nothing to prevent it”. I think I'm going to start telling people it's an elaborate promo scheme for JA Rock's
Trouble At Possum Ranch
. That's plausible, right?
A few people have asked about animal control. Now, I could hire a possum trap, but it’s after trapping them that things get tricky. Possums are a protected native species, so you can’t hurt them (and look at those cute little faces!). You also can’t relocate them more than fifty metres from where you trap them. Fifty metres? THEY COULD STILL SEE MY HOUSE FROM THERE!
So that seems a pointless expense.
Anyway, the other day at the hardware shop I was looking at screens, thinking that I could tack it up around the shutters in my house, and damn the aesthetics. And then I remembered that possums have been known to peel back tin in order to get into roofs.
So that seems like a pointless expense as well.
At the moment, I think bribery seems like the best option. It’s worked before. In the Great Possum Invasion of 2012, after Cyclone Yasi knocked down a bunch of trees, the possums were breaking in and stealing bread and bananas and whatever they could get their clever little paws on – they can also open cupboards – I ended up leaving food outside for them. I agreed to do this, and they agreed not to break in unless I forgot. Or was late. Or they wanted something apart from bananas.
Anyway, once the trees grew back the possums went back to their old diet.
Another option, of course, is earplugs. Because here’s the thing. If the possums break in and I don’t hear it, it doesn’t count, right? Ignorance is bliss. That way, if I come out of my bedroom in the morning and there are things knocked onto the floor, I’ll just blame the cats.
Now, I don’t hate possums. I just wish they’d remember that they are outside animals. Particularly when it’s midnight, this is my bathroom, and I really, really need to pee.
I peed anyway. With a towel over my head for protection.
A few people have asked about animal control. Now, I could hire a possum trap, but it’s after trapping them that things get tricky. Possums are a protected native species, so you can’t hurt them (and look at those cute little faces!). You also can’t relocate them more than fifty metres from where you trap them. Fifty metres? THEY COULD STILL SEE MY HOUSE FROM THERE!
So that seems a pointless expense.
Anyway, the other day at the hardware shop I was looking at screens, thinking that I could tack it up around the shutters in my house, and damn the aesthetics. And then I remembered that possums have been known to peel back tin in order to get into roofs.
So that seems like a pointless expense as well.
At the moment, I think bribery seems like the best option. It’s worked before. In the Great Possum Invasion of 2012, after Cyclone Yasi knocked down a bunch of trees, the possums were breaking in and stealing bread and bananas and whatever they could get their clever little paws on – they can also open cupboards – I ended up leaving food outside for them. I agreed to do this, and they agreed not to break in unless I forgot. Or was late. Or they wanted something apart from bananas.
Anyway, once the trees grew back the possums went back to their old diet.
Another option, of course, is earplugs. Because here’s the thing. If the possums break in and I don’t hear it, it doesn’t count, right? Ignorance is bliss. That way, if I come out of my bedroom in the morning and there are things knocked onto the floor, I’ll just blame the cats.
Now, I don’t hate possums. I just wish they’d remember that they are outside animals. Particularly when it’s midnight, this is my bathroom, and I really, really need to pee.
I peed anyway. With a towel over my head for protection.
message 1:
by
Steelwhisper
(new)
Feb 20, 2014 03:04AM
Get a dog. Or two.
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Oh, and are those Katherine Kurtz books I see there?
Steelwhisper wrote: "Get a dog. Or two."I have a dog. Totally useless.
The dog's thought process: Oooh! A POSSUM! I LOVE possums! I want to be its friend. Omigosh, look, it's raining! I'm gonna go outside and roll in the puddles while you try and evict the possum, then when I come back in I'll wipe myself dry on the walls and your couch, okay?
Steelwhisper wrote: "Oh, and are those Katherine Kurtz books I see there?"No Katherine Kurtz. That's my Penguins, my classics, and underneath it, my "Whatever I can shove on this shelf" shelf.
Get this sort of dog:
And if you want to be serious about it, two of those. There will be nothing but dogs on your premises henceforth. The problem you have with possums my neighbours have with martens, feral cats and foxes. Not me.
These dogs are cuddly to people. Not to anything which can be hunted.
Steelwhisper wrote: "Get this sort of dog: Is it a greyhound? It's gorgeous.
Unfortunately I also have cats, so I'm going to have to stick with stupid dogs who have no genetic memory of being descended from wolves.
A Galgo Español, not mine, but I have lurchers a lot like that. And yes, the cat wouldn't survive such a dog. The feral cats and outdoors cats here have learned fast, though the dogs had run-ins with one which thought it would be faster than a sightdog, and with a variety of foxes which didn't believe in different kinds of dogs. Neighbours have had all their poultry killed, both by martens and foxes.But aren't there for instance Australian shepherds in your area? They would leave the cat alone, but can be taught to chase away wild beasts?
Steelwhisper wrote: "A Galgo Español, not mine, but I have lurchers a lot like that. And yes, the cat wouldn't survive such a dog. The feral cats and outdoors cats here have learned fast, though the dogs had run-ins wi..."My mum used to have a kelpie, which is an Australian dog bred to round up livestock. It's part dingo. They are incredibly smart and intuitive. That dog could be trained to do anything!
A kelpie would certainly scare the possums off and could be taught to leave the cats alone. Given that my lab is eleven, and deaf, and perpetually stupid, I might look into getting a smart dog next time!
Don't you have rabies? And what about the fleas and ticks these possums got to leave in your house?
Steelwhisper wrote: "Don't you have rabies? And what about the fleas and ticks these possums got to leave in your house?"No rabies in Australia. And I've never had a problem with fleas or ticks. They just come in at night to try and steal food, and leave again by morning. I just wish they'd do it quietly and not wake me up, and then I could be blissfully ignorant.
I'm going to start bribing them with bananas to stay outside again, I think.
I have this fear that I'll accidentally domesticate them, and a few months from now they'll be sitting on my lap while I watch TV.
Well, that's at least something. No rabies here either, but you get lots of fleas and ticks along with feral animals or wild ones.Well, deposit the bananas as far away from the house and as close to their trees as possible ;) I don't envy you!
I only have a smallish yard, so it's really only a matter of metres! But hopefully if they get a nice meal outside, that will dissuade them from looking for one inside. :)
Well, the alternative would be wire on all the windows. The heavy duty kind.
Steelwhisper wrote: "Well, the alternative would be wire on all the windows. The heavy duty kind."Thought about it -- but possums have been known to peel back tin to get into roofs. I think bribery might be cheaper, if it works!
Well, "heavy duty" means steel ;) I doubt they'd peel back 5mm of reinforced steel mesh.
Well, at least they're cute and not hellafucking scary looking like North American opossums. Can you imagine finding one of those staring at you in the middle of the night?!
Chris wrote: "Well, at least they're cute and not hellafucking scary looking like North American opossums. Can you imagine finding one of those staring at you in the middle of the night?!"O.o
Uh huh. O.o Thanks, but no thanks!
My dog catches rats too. And poor birds :'( My mom kept siding with him saying he didn't do in the feather friends. And I don't buy his innocence at all.
That Greyhound is so majestic. *love*
Lisa, I hope those possums in your house aren't bitters >_<
Chris wrote: ""Oh god! That's terrifying!
Kynthos-the-Archer wrote: "My dog catches rats too. And poor birds :'(..."My dog can't even catch her own tail...
Lisa wrote: "Kynthos-the-Archer wrote: "My dog catches rats too. And poor birds :'(..."My dog can't even catch her own tail..."
Mine either. I keep having to wonder how stupid a dog is that chases and bites its own back foot and then falls over because coordination....not so much.
Kelly wrote: Mine either. I keep having to wonder how stupid a dog is that chas..."Stupid dogs are the most fun :)
I have an aussie shepherd/border collie mix and he gets along with the cats just fine. Even when they try to annoy him, he ignores them. He does, however, keep the yard critter free. No squirrels, chipmunks, or NA possums. Most herding dogs have had the bite instinct bred out of them to keep them from hurting the livestock with which they're working.
Margo (DamesUnrestrained.blogspot.com) wrote: "I have an aussie shepherd/border collie mix and he gets along with the cats just fine. Even when they try to annoy him, he ignores them. He does, however, keep the yard critter free. No squirrels, ..."Yeah, I think my lab would chase the possum if she knew what was going on. But she'd old, and deaf, and has no idea what's going on most of the time.
I've been giving this some deep thought, and I think you can turn this into an entrepreneurial opportunity. My very favorite socks in the world are made with possum fur, silk, and merino.So, you can't kill the possums, because protected, but you just hold each one firmly, right, right, and, like, shave it. Then release it, sporting a stylish clean-cut look. I mean, they'll thank you, really. All that fur, in Queensland heat? Pffft.
And then you knit socks!
Chris wrote: "Well, at least they're cute and not hellafucking scary looking like North American opossums. Can you imagine finding one of those staring at you in the middle of the night?!"Late to the party, but exactly what Chris said. Your possums are so cute. They don't even look related biologically.
I want possum fur socks. Is it like chinchilla?
Vivian wrote: "I want possum fur socks. Is it like chinchilla?"yes! very, very similar, slightly less ubersoft
i love everything about this post and its author.that is all.
But, Lisa, this is killing me. If the possums can get in (Hi, possums!), what about the spiders?
Spiders already live with you and you swallow on average seven per year.
Vivian wrote: "Spiders already live with you and you swallow on average seven per year."Lalalalala can't hear you!
I am the house killer. If something needs to be killed, I get called in. Fat, juicy spiders--had a scream last month and I thought someone was invading the house, come around the corner and there's a rather husky-build spider crawling on the wall--I smash with tissues, rolled up magazines and bare hands, people. It's what I do. My family has needs.
Vivian wrote: "Spiders already live with you and you swallow on average seven per year."*aghast*
julio wrote: "*aghast*"That's not talking about the couple dozen flies one swallows in a year (probably to feed all those spideys").
Vivian wrote: "I am the house killer. If something needs to be killed, I get called in. Fat, juicy spiders--had a scream last month and I thought someone was invading the house, come around the corner and there's..."You are a bad ass!
But Australian spiders tho? Don't they lurk and pounce and carry off children and small dogs?
MostlyDelores wrote: "But, Lisa, this is killing me.
If the possums can get in (Hi, possums!), what about the spiders?"
Spiders here is Aus are often large and sometimes deadly. Its what we have to put up with to live in someplace so exceptional. So yes, if possums can get in, so can the spiders, crickets, gecko's, the odd Green Tree frog etc etc etc...... I know it sucks, but we do it regardless.
If the possums can get in (Hi, possums!), what about the spiders?"
Spiders here is Aus are often large and sometimes deadly. Its what we have to put up with to live in someplace so exceptional. So yes, if possums can get in, so can the spiders, crickets, gecko's, the odd Green Tree frog etc etc etc...... I know it sucks, but we do it regardless.
Oh and those North American possums look really evil *shudders*
Australia's like the fucking deadliest place to live. Them English weren't messing around when setup the penal colony--of course, it merely bred highly resistant specimens. Yeah, if I lived there I'd shoot more stuff. Or a machete, I'm really good with a machete. Got one with a comfort grip ;)
MostlyDelores wrote: "But Australian spiders tho? Don't they lurk and pounce and carry off children and small dogs?"
Yes, they can and do pounce, and that's generally when I soil myself. TMI?
Yes, they can and do pounce, and that's generally when I soil myself. TMI?
Vivian wrote: "Australia's like the fucking deadliest place to live. Them English weren't messing around when setup the penal colony--of course, it merely bred highly resistant specimens.
Yeah, if I lived there..."
I could use your skills at my place sometimes
Yeah, if I lived there..."
I could use your skills at my place sometimes
Robyn QF - get Booked for life! wrote: "Yes, they can and do pounce, and that's generally when I soil myself. TMI?"Under the circumstances, completely appropriate.
Vivian wrote: "Spiders already live with you and you swallow on average seven per year."Nooooooo! That's one of those statistics that I'll never be able to get out of my head! It'll haunt me at 2 am, just when I'm drifting off to sleep.
But yes, I have spiders as well. The geckos tend to eat them.
I also have geckos!
Robyn QF - get Booked for life! wrote: "MostlyDelores wrote: "But, Lisa, this is killing me. If the possums can get in (Hi, possums!), what about the spiders?"
Spiders here is Aus are often large and sometimes deadly. Its what we hav..."
Lol! I have a green tree frog that swims in my toilet in summer.
Which is why I ALWAYS turn the bathroom light on.
*imagines how that habit originated; giggles*
julio wrote: "*imagines how that habit originated; giggles*"I don't know who was more traumatised -- me or the frog.
Lisa wrote: "Lol! I have a green tree frog that swims in my toilet in summer.
Which is why I ALWAYS turn the bathroom light on."
I had one hiding under the rim of the toilet and didn't come out until after I flushed. Scared the crap out of me! <---- bad pun alert
Which is why I ALWAYS turn the bathroom light on."
I had one hiding under the rim of the toilet and didn't come out until after I flushed. Scared the crap out of me! <---- bad pun alert
Robyn QF - get Booked for life! wrote: "Lisa wrote: "Lol! I have a green tree frog that swims in my toilet in summer. Which is why I ALWAYS turn the bathroom light on."
I had one hiding under the rim of the toilet and didn't come out u..."
Here's one thing I know about frogs: They don't like it when you pee on them by mistake.
