Slow is the new fast
Can you remember the last time you prayed really hard for something? Like, “Please, God, let me get my period (or not)…Please God, let me hear a yes from that client TODAY…Pleeeeze God, let that apartment manager pick me, let my check clear, let them not evict me this month. Please God, let me get the part, the job, pass my exam, drug test. Or…Pleeeze God, let him/her be the one!!”
I can remember once praying so hard that I really believed the wince on my face would get me to the front of God’s “To Do” list! Boy, I really wanted this thing pretty bad. In this case (there were many), I was fifteen and wanted this particular boy to love me. And when I say pray, I prayed, sister. I squeezed my hands together like an olive press, sent my spirit right out of my body on a one-way mission to plea with God, hoping to make God an offer He couldn’t refuse in the hopes that He would grant me this one last wish. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) And then I waited for a sign. I was sitting on my waterbed staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep, when I spied a small spider creeping across the wall. Oh, oh…a spider…it’s a sign, I thought. Okay, okay…if the spider moves to the right, it means…uhhhh, that, yeah, it means that it’s the right guy for me. That’s it!!! I was delighted with myself for interpreting this spiritual hallmark. Until, of course the spider moved due east. I crinkled my nose and cocked my head to the left to make sure I saw what I saw. That’s okay, (my little heart sank) I mean he’s probably just…ya know, getting ready to go right and oh, wait I know, for him it is right, I am upside down, I mean where he is on the ceiling, that is right. I knew my half-hearted attempt was just that, a way to comfort myself and soften the blow; that God sent this messenger spider to tell me…uh uh, nope. He’s not the one.
Then after a few minutes I thought, Now, wait a second, that’s dumb, come on! I made that up! It wasn’t a sign, ha. That was just my idea! Then, shaking my head, nestled into my pillow and listened to the ripples of the water beneath me, lulling me as I began to nod off to sleep, hoping my dreams of Happily Ever After were not far off.
Turn out, THANK GOD, this boy was not to be the one after all. Not him, nor the dozens of others I had crushes on from kindergarten onwards. Of course, I can say that NOW. In hindsight, yet, interestingly and more to the point, I seemed so sure about what I wanted. On each occasion I would kneel and beg (or pray, if you will) God, that this person, place or thing, would be the thing that would make my life complete, that would make me Happy Ever After!!
I still fall for that sometimes, “that” being that the something that I just have to have, the experience that if only it worked out would be the thing that would make things better. Invariably, for me, when I get stuck in this incredibly unproductive and anxiety-provoking mind game, it is a clue I am on the wrong path. How do I know this? Because, I do believe in God, the Divine, and believe that we all have a destiny to fulfill and that when we get out of our own way (in my vast experience of having been in and out of my own way) it flows better 100% of the time, producing results that I always ultimately prefer and that contribute to my health and wellness as well as to those around me (another clue that you’re on the “right” path). When I slow down, I realize again (sometimes for the hundred-thousandth time) that true and real love has no shelf life, that I am always okay regardless of what’s happening around me, and that the only prayers I need to pray are to offer gratitude, blessings for those who suffer and for guidance, which God surely and frequently gives when we actually want to hear it. This has for many years been a proven method for me of how to stay awake on my path and how I created the relationship of my dreams!
I can remember once praying so hard that I really believed the wince on my face would get me to the front of God’s “To Do” list! Boy, I really wanted this thing pretty bad. In this case (there were many), I was fifteen and wanted this particular boy to love me. And when I say pray, I prayed, sister. I squeezed my hands together like an olive press, sent my spirit right out of my body on a one-way mission to plea with God, hoping to make God an offer He couldn’t refuse in the hopes that He would grant me this one last wish. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) And then I waited for a sign. I was sitting on my waterbed staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep, when I spied a small spider creeping across the wall. Oh, oh…a spider…it’s a sign, I thought. Okay, okay…if the spider moves to the right, it means…uhhhh, that, yeah, it means that it’s the right guy for me. That’s it!!! I was delighted with myself for interpreting this spiritual hallmark. Until, of course the spider moved due east. I crinkled my nose and cocked my head to the left to make sure I saw what I saw. That’s okay, (my little heart sank) I mean he’s probably just…ya know, getting ready to go right and oh, wait I know, for him it is right, I am upside down, I mean where he is on the ceiling, that is right. I knew my half-hearted attempt was just that, a way to comfort myself and soften the blow; that God sent this messenger spider to tell me…uh uh, nope. He’s not the one.
Then after a few minutes I thought, Now, wait a second, that’s dumb, come on! I made that up! It wasn’t a sign, ha. That was just my idea! Then, shaking my head, nestled into my pillow and listened to the ripples of the water beneath me, lulling me as I began to nod off to sleep, hoping my dreams of Happily Ever After were not far off.
Turn out, THANK GOD, this boy was not to be the one after all. Not him, nor the dozens of others I had crushes on from kindergarten onwards. Of course, I can say that NOW. In hindsight, yet, interestingly and more to the point, I seemed so sure about what I wanted. On each occasion I would kneel and beg (or pray, if you will) God, that this person, place or thing, would be the thing that would make my life complete, that would make me Happy Ever After!!
I still fall for that sometimes, “that” being that the something that I just have to have, the experience that if only it worked out would be the thing that would make things better. Invariably, for me, when I get stuck in this incredibly unproductive and anxiety-provoking mind game, it is a clue I am on the wrong path. How do I know this? Because, I do believe in God, the Divine, and believe that we all have a destiny to fulfill and that when we get out of our own way (in my vast experience of having been in and out of my own way) it flows better 100% of the time, producing results that I always ultimately prefer and that contribute to my health and wellness as well as to those around me (another clue that you’re on the “right” path). When I slow down, I realize again (sometimes for the hundred-thousandth time) that true and real love has no shelf life, that I am always okay regardless of what’s happening around me, and that the only prayers I need to pray are to offer gratitude, blessings for those who suffer and for guidance, which God surely and frequently gives when we actually want to hear it. This has for many years been a proven method for me of how to stay awake on my path and how I created the relationship of my dreams!
No comments have been added yet.
