Please Don’t Explain The Elf On A Shelf Thing To Me

I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk about something called the elf on a shelf recently. I have no idea what this is. However, I do know that I do not want to know. Do not explain what the elf on a shelf is to me.

I’m guessing that an elf on a shelf is some little stuffed elf you are supposed to stick on a shelf. At least, that’s what the name implies. I can condone nothing about this, presuming I’m correct. It sounds kitschy and possibly supportive of elf captivity. It can’t possibly be good.

I am not fond of kitsch. I am not fond of useless things to clutter up my house. Though I am not fond of elves, I do not support keeping them in captivity. I also do not generally like fad products, particularly useful ones.

Elves do not belong on shelves. Books belong on shelves. If you put an elf on a shelf, you lose valuable book space. Do not do this.

However, if other people want elves on shelves that’s fine…as long as they don’t make me participate. I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Keep your elf stuff and explanations to yourself. Nothing good can possibly come from me finding out more about this.