What Can $500 Get You After the Holidays?

Post-Christmas sales shit on Black Friday sales.

I don’t think that just occurred to me but I think I have only recently come to terms with it. And you know what else? I take my initial comment back. It’s not even about shitting if you think about the difference between say a 30% dip and a 70% dip. I think I am actually talking about some deeply healthy, grade A, just-ate-too-many-fiber-crackers, oh my goodness it is coming, diarrhea.

So, sale recall: Post-Christmas sales diarrheas on Black Friday sales.

And it’s a terrible catch-22 too (ha) because for the most part, your moral obligation is to indulge the people you love prior to December 25th, isn’t it? You can’t send your favorite cousin a gift on December 27th chased with the remark, “sorry! Was waiting for a better sale deal! Merry belated!”

Or, I don’t know, can you? You know where I stand adjacent to this particular holiday.

But let’s backtrack. When those sales start to kick in following the notorious day of gluttonous turkey consumption, my instinct is always to buy, sell, buy, buy. Once my mind catches up, though, I am reminded that sales are not unlike leaks in that they start slow and rather unassumingly. If, however, they are left unkempt — which often they are because the afflicted is barely even aware that the leak is in motion — the drip accumulates and in isolated instances might even become a Noah-get-your-ark flood.

Of course, if this were to happen in real life would be its own sort of tragedy but when considering the metaphor, there’s some value in leaving those diffidently slashed prices unscathed until you’re capable of asking the very question posited today.

So, what can $500 get you after the holidays?

A whole bunch of stuff. Like, for example, the above photographed Eddie Borgo ring, now $90, paired with that neon Tom Binns necklace and a yellow leather mini skirt, now $150 just because it’s yellow, it’s leather, it’s indulgent and you’re doing you.

Maybe you want your jewelry to do all the talking for you. That’s fine. Iosseliani’s fringe necklace-cum-blouse is running for a generous 70% off.

Phillip Lim is offering the most darling pair of Stella McCartney-esque pinstriped shorts (now $170) which in my opinion will look terrific with a pair of thigh high socks and the photographed uneven-hemmed Alexander Wang sweater which, mind you, will also work terrifically with those PLAID PANTS BY PREEN! Dream Preen pants, man.

Now, because poplin is about to become the fabric of our lives, might I suggest that white cut-out Mugler blouse, now $202? Where poplin is not concerned, you can get a white silk Rochas blouse for a cool $345 which, I realize only leaves room for one or two more spoils by the rules of 500 but you’d be surprise at how often you’ll probably want to wear such a Peter Pan collar.

Next up: Jason Wu’s short-ish heel ankle strap pumps, now $237 and wearable under any circumstance that does not include a rock that you must climb. My gut says they’ll look great with Asos’ $50 mom jeans.

If I know anything about the future it is that you will want to wear flat mules that could have been bedroom slippers in a previous life but are now a gateway drug to looking cool so get yours at a discount, eh? The photographed ones are Oscar de la Renta and will pair perfectly by the rules of this game with your Venessa Arizaga bracelet.

In the land of many sneakers, you can get your hands on discounted Golden Goose or you can abide by the new rules of footwear and administer to yourself a pair of white high top tennis sneakers. They are Saint Laurent which means not so cheap but on sale which means, you win!

There are also coats like that one with a white fur collar by Opening Ceremony ($380) and the double breasted blazer-style one to its right by Blk Dnm ($398). And if you want a purse, might I suggest the spotted one by Carven?

This is so much better than the holidays. I’m glad we did it.