Shocking Stuff I Couldn’t Help But Overhear in Starbucks
I do lots-o-writing in Starbucks. In fact, most of
Angelbound
was penned whilst I downed a series of high-calorie toffee-nut mochas. As we all know, Starbucks are busy places where people say nutty things. As a result, I bring noise-cancelling earbuds—and I’m not afraid to use them!—but I can’t always find them fast enough. (Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)
Long story short, I’ve overheard some SUPER crazy stuff, such as:
From two young girls: “Let’s open up Facebook and make a photo album of all the guys we’ve slept with!” “Okay!” (AUTHOR’S NOTE: This went on for a long time. I had to suppress the urge to walk over, close their laptops, and go on a tirade about the eternal nature of the internets.)
From a sketchy-looking guy in knock-off hipster duds: “Let’s go through the web site designs I made for you…Wow, I don’t know why my internet is so slow today, I’ll have to call tech support.” [AUTHOR NOTE: at this point, everyone else in Starbucks gets kicked off WI-FI] “Hey, what did you say?…Sorry about the noise…No, I’m in the office…It’s just really busy here today.” [AUTHOR'S NOTE: The screechy espresso machine was going throughout the call.]
From a lady with a bullhorn-quality voice to her friend: “My boyfriend called me a whiny, loud mouthed [rhymes with blunt]. WHY WOULD HE CALL ME A WHINY, LOUD-MOUTHED, [RHYMES WITH BLUNT]?!”
From a foreign gentleman: “I can Skype video!” [AUTHOR NOTE: once again, WI-FI disappears at Starbucks. No, he didn't use a headset. And yes, this went on for a long, long time.]
In summary, these experiences were not only amusing, but each reinforced a valuable life lesson. My key takeaways:
Cataloging past liaisons on Facebook? Probably a life choice you’ll regret down the road.
People will believe almost anything from someone who dresses like a hipster and says they’re a graphic designer.
If you’re planning to open your soul to your best friend, invite them over to your house. Especially if you are incapable of whispering for some strange reason.
Sometimes, when the Russian guy won’t stop video Skyping, it’s time to discretely say something to the manager. Yeah, I’m that chick in Starbucks, and I likes it.
UP NEXT TIME: Not sure why Fire Station Three of Newton Upper Falls goes on a latte run every day at 2:30PM, but somehow I always seem to be writing at that time. Go figure.
Long story short, I’ve overheard some SUPER crazy stuff, such as:
From two young girls: “Let’s open up Facebook and make a photo album of all the guys we’ve slept with!” “Okay!” (AUTHOR’S NOTE: This went on for a long time. I had to suppress the urge to walk over, close their laptops, and go on a tirade about the eternal nature of the internets.)
From a sketchy-looking guy in knock-off hipster duds: “Let’s go through the web site designs I made for you…Wow, I don’t know why my internet is so slow today, I’ll have to call tech support.” [AUTHOR NOTE: at this point, everyone else in Starbucks gets kicked off WI-FI] “Hey, what did you say?…Sorry about the noise…No, I’m in the office…It’s just really busy here today.” [AUTHOR'S NOTE: The screechy espresso machine was going throughout the call.]
From a lady with a bullhorn-quality voice to her friend: “My boyfriend called me a whiny, loud mouthed [rhymes with blunt]. WHY WOULD HE CALL ME A WHINY, LOUD-MOUTHED, [RHYMES WITH BLUNT]?!”
From a foreign gentleman: “I can Skype video!” [AUTHOR NOTE: once again, WI-FI disappears at Starbucks. No, he didn't use a headset. And yes, this went on for a long, long time.]
In summary, these experiences were not only amusing, but each reinforced a valuable life lesson. My key takeaways:
Cataloging past liaisons on Facebook? Probably a life choice you’ll regret down the road.
People will believe almost anything from someone who dresses like a hipster and says they’re a graphic designer.
If you’re planning to open your soul to your best friend, invite them over to your house. Especially if you are incapable of whispering for some strange reason.
Sometimes, when the Russian guy won’t stop video Skyping, it’s time to discretely say something to the manager. Yeah, I’m that chick in Starbucks, and I likes it.
UP NEXT TIME: Not sure why Fire Station Three of Newton Upper Falls goes on a latte run every day at 2:30PM, but somehow I always seem to be writing at that time. Go figure.
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