Another Year of Crazy….
On this chilly day of November 13th, 2013, I am one year older (not particularly wiser mind you). As I sit here and reflect on the changes in my life over the course of 365 days, I can’t help but smile at the fact that it’s been one crazy year.
I’ve undergone some drastic changes in my life at the age of 31, some changes absolutely amazing and on the flip side, I realize that this year, it’s time to refocus my attention on other things, such as solving the mystery of my missing six-pack abs.
For this post, I decided to pen an open letter to two versions of myself–the Logan of 21 years old and the Logan of 55 years old. Looking back at my life, I’ve done some stupid shit over the past 11 years (thus my website tagline of trouble maker and walking disaster), and sometimes wish things have gone differently. Maybe–just maybe–my open letter will find a way to rip through the space-time continuum and find its way to my idiotic self of 21. Meanwhile there are so many reassurances on my life that I want from the Logan of 55. I want to know that what I’m currently doing, the human being that I currently am is on the right path, destined for greatness and living a life with truly no regrets.
For all the readers of my blog, you’re more than welcome to join me as I attempt to touch myself profoundly–take that however way you want it.
Dear Logan of 21,
1. Don’t be stupid.
2. Remember, words have an ever-lasting effect on people. Be kinder to people, treat everyone with respect, and discover what empathy really means. If you had only put yourself in her shoes, then perhaps she’ll still be alive.
3. When the time comes, don’t beat yourself up over item number 2 listed above. It wasn’t your fault. It really wasn’t, but learn from it and be a better man than you are.
4. Be more patient with your parents. They love you, and though they may drive you insane, they mean well. However eleven years later, and you’ll still want to tear your hair out the odd time, but the world will never be the same without them.
5. When the cop pulls you over for the bullshit headlight infraction, don’t call him a useless tit. You just turned a $30 ticket into a $200 one. Swallow your pride.
6. Stop making excuses and just do what you love. You’ll suck at first, but trust me, you only keep getting better.
7. After you break each other’s hearts, just be respectful. She said those thing to you out of anger, and a couple of months later, she’ll apologize. It’ll hurt seeing her again, but remember this, there’s someone else waiting around the corner and the sooner you move on, the sooner you’ll find her.
8. Stretch before you play soccer. Your body will start breaking down once you turn 30 and let me tell you, rupturing your Achilles heel is just about the worst injury you’ll ever have…next to your fractured skull, which you should be experiencing in the next year which leads me to the next piece of advice…
9. When they ask you to play goalie, just say no.
10. You’ll be successful in your job but along with that success comes the jealousy of others. He’ll hate you for reason you’ll never understand and put you down and you just won’t know why. It’s not you. Be careful of him and all his false smiles. I know you never want to think the worst in your friends…but he was never your friend to begin with.
11. At the age of 31, you’ll meet the most beautiful girl in the world and you’ll love her like no other. It’ll be the first time you experience love at first sight and it’ll also be the first time you cry in public since your dad spanked you for jamming a hollow tube up a stranger’s butt when you were five. (P.S. You’ll still laugh just as hard when you describe that childhood story to your friends).
Dear Logan of 55,
1. Please tell me that my prayers of today are answered and that every single douche bag that could potentially break my daughter’s heart has indeed spontaneously combusted.
2. Let me know that she turns out okay, and that she still loves her daddy as much as her daddy will always love her.
3. Let me know that you and your wife are still madly in love and you still enjoy having her in your bed every night, despite her taking up 75% of the mattress because she likes to stretch out like a starfish when she sleeps, for some mind boggling reason.
4. Tell me you’re a successful and accomplished author and your Midnight Society series (shameless plug) was/is wildly popular and left its mark on the literary universe. You’ve never stopped writing because the people had never stopped reading.
5. Let me know that at some point between the age of 32-50, you’ve regained your peak athletic form, and just in time for when the boys started knocking on your daughter’s door. You’re bigger, stronger, and can dig a 6ft deep hole in the backyard faster than a jack hammer.
6. In reference to item number 5, reassure me you’ve managed to stay out of prison.
7. I pray that your parents are still around to provide you with their wisdom and to spoil your children. And if they aren’t, you have no regrets about how you spent the twilight of their years with them.
8. Send me a sign that you can still kick a soccer ball, shoot a basketball, spike a volleyball, and snowboard down a mountain with the best of them.
9. But most importantly, give me a sign that despite all the shit you had to deal with and all the bad hands that you’re dealt, you’re still one of the happiest guys in the world because your family loves you, and your friends still laugh along with you when you have one of your many ‘walking disaster’ moments.
Take care of yourselves (myself),
Logan Patricks
