Selfish

*Inspired by Kate’s post last week.

Growing up, we hear over and over again, “Don’t be selfish.” Visions of selflessness are touted instead. Rather than the message of simple respect and consideration for others, we’re taught that we should never put our own needs before others.

But that thinking is so terribly flawed. If you put everyone else’s happiness before your own, or sacrifice your own for others’, how does that make sense? It leaves you without happiness to put out in the world. And really? Trying to make other people happy when you’re not is a herculean task.

Finding that balance — giving enough of yourself, without giving too much — takes constant trial and error. Creativity is one of those things we’ve been conditioned to feel guilty about. It’s selfish. Why write (or paint, or dance) when there is cooking/cleaning/paying work to be done? But the only way to get anywhere following our passions is to make that a priority.

One way to do that is to set boundaries. Have time set aside for whatever creative work you do and protect it. For that bit of the day, creating is the priority. No one else is allowed to disrespect or interfere with that.

Don’t get defensive, don’t make excuses. Some people will treat them as invitation for challenge, scenting the guilt.

You might be surprised how many people won’t question you. This is something you love to do and is important to you; why shouldn’t you set aside time for it?

Selfishness can be a healthy thing. It’s overcoming our own feelings of guilt that are the hardest.