Unicorn and SSRI Come For A Pep Talk

 

 

Unicorn of Happiness! SSRI of Happiness! Hi guys! It’s just that…well….I don’t know how to say this.

 

I was watching a Lowe’s commercial the other day, and all the men in it were really hot. All of a sudden I’m an old lady who finds silver foxes hot.

 

That’s not the only thing. I got a neighbor’s magazine by accident, and I thought it was a toy catalogue.

 

It wasn’t a toy catalogue. I just thought that because of the kids on the cover. It was an US Weekly, showing the hottest guys of the year. I don’t even know who they were! I’m so old! Before I know it I’m going to be putting “the” in front of words that don’t need “the” in front of them, like my mom does. Like, oh, did you enjoy The One Direction boy band, sweetie? What about The Glee? Do you watch The Glee?

I have so much left to do. I wanted to be like Bill Watterson, but my Calvin and Hobbes aren’t nearly as good as his. I mean, you’re antidepressants and a unicorn. Why couldn’t I have at least imagined a Pegasus? At least those guys can FLY. What can my Hobbes Unicorn do? Poke things? Mate with a rhinoceros?

 

I’ll grab my copy of Tiny Beautiful Things and the box wine. You put on the Lowe’s ad. We’ll get through this together.