English Column: Rants on Polygamy
I guess the picture is self-explanatory right?
Picture courtesy of diminishinglucy.com (click here for the link of the picture)
English Column: Rants on Polygamy
Polygamy.
A word that hastens men, a reality that shatters women and an issue that inflicts confusion to the society.
Some say it brings more adverse effects than good. Some say it is not a priority, some say it is inevitable. Some say it is a responsibility, some say it is for fun.
Some men go to Thailand out of desperation and marry another in seclusion. Some men go to the extent of falsifying their “Marriage Document” because their wives disagreed to give consent.
Some men aren’t financially capable, still they beg to marry.
Some men are handsomely wealthy still they can’t afford to marry.
Some men are “man enough” to marry in public but some others marry in seclusion spectated only by the qadi.
Some men subscribe to polygamy for fun, some others marry another to show how polygamy should be done!
I’m here not to give scholarly opinion on the law regarding polygamy as I am incapable and incompetent in doing so. I just want to share what I feel after seeing so many torn families due to polygamy.
I believe many women or wives don’t care if their husbands marry more than one as long as the husbands do their jobs right.
Feeling emotionally devastated is completely normal, well they are after all, women. “Women are emotional yes. But it is not a weakness” – Fatimah Syarha. Reflecting on what she said. I would say, “Men are strong, but that might not be their strength.”
The issue of polygamy is mainly about “just to the family.” If the husband is just and has the capability of maintaining another family, he is eligible to do so if he wants to.
But that is IF and only IF he is capable. If he is not, then he is not.
Income
A good husband is a husband who never inserts his wife’s income in the family’s expenses.
The money of the husband is for the family. The money of the wife is for herself.
Even if the husband’s income is lower than the wife, the last thing he will do is ask his wife for monetary aid.
Househusband
We always thought that household chores, doing the groceries and child education are the jobs of mothers.
That cultural belief should be changed!
Both husband and wife are accountable. But men’s indebtedness for preserving his family is greater.
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded” At-Tahrim: 6.
In this verse, Allah says “protect yourselves and your families from a Fire…”
The leader of the family can be the husband, it can be the wife. But mostly, the husband is the one in charge of the family.
As my mentor, Sir Rosdi Baharom once said “Men! You must tremble in fear if you fail this verse.”
Conclusion: Stop Whining
Stop whining and dreaming about polygamy if you can’t succeed in becoming a daddy.
Don’t marry another wife just because your father did the same thing to your mother as a pay back to your wife.
You can never choose who your parents were, but you can change what kind of parents you would be.
I recommend you “Tanggungjawab Ayah Terhadap Anak Laki-laki” by Adnan Hasan Shalih Baharits. This book ventures in the responsibilities of a father to his children particularly to his sons.
If I were to translate the book, the title of the book would be “I’m Glad, I’m a Dad – Nurturing Little Caliphs.”
There’s a big difference between a father and a dad.
Even fools can be a father, only diligent men can be a dad.
“Father” is biological but “dad” is sentimental.
I know I’m not even married let alone to have children but this article is what I hope to be.
Poem: A Father or A Dad?
A dad is a home master chef,
a singer of rhythmic clefs.
He’s a Mr. Fixit of toys,
a role model of the boys.
He’s a hairstylist,
he’s his children’s fashion artists.
He’s a technician at home,
a regular attendee five times a day at the spiritual dome.
He’s the strict but smiling teacher of the Quran,
a same person inside out preacher man.
He’s the man with the hammer,
fixing the house roof while teaching English grammar.
He’s a living dishwasher,
a diaper changer.
He’s a househusband iron man,
who irons his clothes himself with no help of any women.
Everybody can be a father,
though being wicked,
though being depraved,
though being sad,
though being bad,
but it takes a whole lot more to be a dad.
~ Ameen Misran
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