Kicking Ass @Work: why work means never having to say ‘I’m sorry’

Some of us (okay, women) are very comfortable saying ‘I’m sorry.’ In girl-speak, it means ‘I feel your pain.’ It’s a lovely sentiment, the best of female energy (IMHO anyway), especially between strangers. ‘I don’t know you, but you’re hurting in some way. At the end of the day, we’re all in this together, and I’m sorry this happened to you.‘
Unfortunately, if you’re in an office with lots of guys, it can be the equivalent of walking around wearing a clown suit. Not good for your future career.

I’ve worked for twenty years in technology, aka guy central. Here’s what I’ve learned about ‘I’m sorry.’ Guys (not all of them) get socialized to see ‘I’m sorry’ as a sign of weakness. It’s the last resort, worse than saying ‘uncle’ when someone’s twisted your arm until it snaps. And if you say you’re sorry when it isn’t really your fault? You’re super-weak and-or insane, end of story.

Classic example: I’m getting some morning java. I fill my mug and spin around, almost stepping into someone. This person gasps. I’ll smile, say ‘I’m sorry,’ and move on. In actuality, both of us probably weren’t paying too much attention, so we’re equally at fault. But, in my mind, I’m not assigning fault so much as telling the other person ‘you got scared and that sucks. I’m sorry that happened to you.’

Early on in my career, I used to say ‘I’m sorry’ all the time. It was my default response, and it wasn’t wrong (for all the cool reasons I listed above). But it was giving some folks a false impression that I was weak and-or insane. So here’s what I decided to do instead:

Say ‘oops.’

‘Oops’ doesn’t assign blame (in certain people’s minds, anyway) but it does acknowledge that something happened. It sounds simple, but it’s a bear to start as a habit. And if you decide to keep saying ‘sorry?’ Go you. Hopefully, it’s helpful to know the phrase has different meanings depending on the context.

ALSO IN THIS SERIES:

Rule of the 3 Ps
Get anyone to back to fuck off

The post Kicking Ass @Work: why work means never having to say ‘I’m sorry’ appeared first on Ink Monster.