Influence versus Manipulation
This is a short case study on how an unhelpful, fuzzy mental model can block leaders from asserting themselves wisely and skilfully. In this instance it was to do with what the client felt about “influence” and “manipulation”.
The CEO’s Initial Problem
Last year, an executive coaching client, a CEO, complained to me that her direct reports (and others) deluged her with data, often copying her in on emails, memo and reports she felt she didn’t need to know about. This all left her feeling “overloaded” (her word).
However, as we talked more, she realised that for years she’d sent out the classic senior manager’s message: “I don’t want surprises.” So guess what. She didn’t get surprises! Because everyone was determined to tell her every detail so they could never be accused of surprising her. After all, they could always claim, “But I told you; it was in the email/report I sent you.”
Changing Their Behaviour
That led us to talk about what she might do to prompt a change in their behaviour.
We discussed how important it was for her to first clarify her intent and be clear on what she wanted… and check that what she wanted was wise, that is, that it would bring her the benefits she wanted without unpleasant side-effects. After all, that’s exactly what had happened with her “no surprises” edict – she got something she didn’t want (too much information) as well as no surprises.
Then we talked about expressing what she wanted from her colleagues communications-wise, making sure she included emotional content (perhaps her feelings about being overloaded). She realised that if she included her feelings, it’s more likely her colleagues would see her as a real person, empathise with her and adjust their behaviour. For one of the many problems that CEOs face is that their people don’t see them as real flesh and blood human beings with their own hopes, fears and aspirations. This is very common, I find.
Hidden Mental Model
Intellectually, she knew what she had to do, but there was a mental barrier. She asked, “In trying to change their behaviour towards me, isn’t this manipulation?”
There was something about the way she used the word “manipulation” that suggested she was judging it negatively. On querying it, she did indeed feel badly about manipulation. We learned that in her mind she held a model, a continuum, with influence at the “good end” and manipulation at the “bad end”, like this:
The trouble was, she couldn’t distinguish between “influence” and “manipulation” and this was inhibiting her from asserting herself and telling her colleagues how she wanted them to behave towards her when it came to information.
Cleaning Up The Mental Model
As we talked it through, she managed to distinguish between influence and manipulation as follows:
Armed with this distinction, she felt ready to express what she wanted from her colleagues with a clear intent, while revealing how “information overload” affected her emotionally (and making sure they didn’t flip too far the other way).
This “influence versus manipulation” block is something I suspect inhibits other leaders from acting assertively. So I hope in telling this story that some readers will feel able to break out of their self-created mental prisons and be the leaders they want to be.
The author is James Scouller, an executive coach. His book, The Three Levels of Leadership: How to Develop Your Leadership Presence, Knowhow and Skill, was published in May 2011. You can learn more about it at www.three-levels-of-leadership.com. If you want to see its reviews, click here: leadership book reviews. If you want to know where to buy it, click HERE. You can read more about his executive coaching services at The Scouller Partnership’s website.
