Connecting Without Over-Analysing Others

After The Three Levels of Leadership came out in 2011, readers followed up with questions on leadership, leadership psychology and self-mastery – all of them interesting.  So interesting, in fact, that I’m releasing my answers here as they supplement the “Three Levels” material and others may find them useful.  Here’s the eleventh in the series.   I’ll post the others over the coming months…

Q11. How do I connect with others without over-psychoanalysing myself and them?

“The short answer is: let your true Self flow.

But that’s easier said than done, for how many people are letting their true Selves flow?  Very few, I suggest.

When a river is prevented from flowing it’s only because there is some kind of obstruction in the way. Perhaps some large rocks.  And it’s the same with your psychology.  When you as a Self can’t flow, can’t express yourself naturally in a way that’s powerful, wise and helpful, it’s because there are obstructions in your psychology.  Those obstructions are your false, limiting beliefs.  In other words, your False Self.

So if you want to connect with others consistently you’ll have to learn and understand what is in your psychological container – your mind – that’s getting in the way and let go of these obstructions.  Thus, you will have to take the time to know yourself.  You may call that psychoanalysing yourself.  I call it simply knowing yourself.

As you come to know yourself better and learn to discern your limiting beliefs (i.e. obstructions) and let them go, you will find you become better at understanding other people.  For they are not so different from you as you might have thought.  Everybody’s versions of the main psychological issues are unique, but from my coaching experience I find the underlying themes are society-wide.

I’m not sure what you mean by “over-psychoanalysing yourself and others”.  So I find it hard to comment on that part of the question.  But what I can say is this.  Concentrate on working on yourself, on understanding yourself and letting your false limiting beliefs go, and you will find it becomes easier to connect with more people at will.

But take note: it’s not about becoming a brilliant psychoanalyst of others; it’s about understanding and mastering your mind and its contents.  In other words, it’s about self-mastery.”

 

The author is James Scouller, an executive coach.  His book, The Three Levels of Leadership: How to Develop Your Leadership Presence, Knowhow and Skill, was published in May 2011.  You can learn more about it at www.three-levels-of-leadership.com.  If you want to see its reviews, click here: leadership book reviews.  If you want to know where to buy it, click HERE.  You can read more about his executive coaching services at The Scouller Partnership’s website.