Stop Apologizing

Women apologize about everything. We apologize for taking up time. We apologize for saying the wrong thing. We apologize for hurting someone’s feelings. We apologize for not knowing everything, not being able to do everything. We apologize for our very existence, it seems like.

I understand why we do this, but we’ve got to stop. We deserve to be where we are. We deserve the chance to do well. We deserve accolades and honors when we have, in fact, done well.

As women who are writers, we need to write without apology, as well. Query letters are not a place to apologize for yourself. Meeting with an agent or an editor is not a time to apologize, either. Don’t begin a conversation with an apology. Begin with a sense of purpose, if not entitlement. You write for a reason. You must believe in yourself.

Your books also need to be written without apology. Just because you are continuing on in the vein of another writer does not mean that you need to apologize. If your character is in part an homage to another character, you are not a worse writer for standing on the shoulders of others. If you are attempting something new and daring, do not apologize for this. This is a great thing. If someone has thought you failed before, you do not need to put that forward every time you mention your book.

If someone suggests you need to change something, or if many someones suggest you need to change many things, you do not have to please all of them. You cannot please all of them. Your book must please you first, and there is no need to apologize for that. Try to borrow a sense of confidence if you must, but if your book is the book you love the most in the world, then that is a great thing. Don’t change your book to be something that other people more worthy than you to have opinions will applaud.

Your voice matters. Your point of view matters. Your purpose matters.

I say this because I have spent too long apologizing myself, and I know the spiral. Once you start apologizing, you never stop.