Worrying Takes Up Time and Energy

I was a nervous little girl the night before I started first grade. I broke out in hives worrying “What if I am not able to learn how to read?!” That shows ridiculous worrying is. Reading and writing is my business and my great joy.

It amuses me, and pains me, that I could be such a worrier at such a young age. Maybe that’s why I teach happiness now. We all teach what it is we most want to embody or wish we would have known when we were younger.

You go through it and then you teach it. Weight loss coaches are the one who have shed the pounds. Business coaches are the ones who have made six or seven figures in their business. Happiness coaches (I doubt I am the only one) are those who have learned how to get their happy on.

We spend a lot of time worrying. Make a list right now of what worries you have on your mind. Think of what you were troubled with yesterday.  What about five days ago? What about five years ago? Did any of it come to be?

Most of what we worry about never comes around. We spend a ton (or more) of energy focused on stuff to worry about. That energy could be better spent elsewhere.

When you taught your kids to ride a bike, and they got the hang of it and peddled off down the sidewalk without you hanging on to the back of the seat, did you send them off full of worry? Were you tensed up thinking, oh dear, Jimmy is going to fall and scrape his knees? Or did you beam with pride and clap your hands in excitement?

Some parents overflow with worry when their offspring take off in a car for the first time. It’s a rite of passage certainly, but to be consumed with worry is a waste of energy. Instead of worrying about “what could happen” shift the focus to the relief of not having to cart kids all over town day and night, the joy of being able to send your kids off to get a gallon of milk or pick up brother after practice.

The freedom of having more drivers in the house outweighs the worry. Both my sons had the requisite teenage boy accident. No injuries, no tickets, no worries.

There are a million examples of what we worry about. That’s why I said to write a list of everything you are worried about right now. Does some of it seem silly when you look at in black and white?

Many moms confuse worry with love. We can be concerned and compassionate and fully devoted to the well being of our loved ones. That does not mean wringing your hands worrying if Ava will get into the college of her choice. Especially is Ava is still in preschool.

Dan Zadra says worry is a misuse of imagination. When you catch yourself worrying, play the What If UP game. Instead of floundering and flailing in the woes of what ifs, switch it to What If UP. What if Ava does get into her college. What if Ava does become a rocket scientist. What if Ava does invent new technology and saves the world from space aliens.

When worry strikes, follow it through with the opposite of whatever/wherever your negative thoughts were taking you. If you have a grandson who is in trouble, what if he met a counselor who he connected with. What if he got an afterschool job with a caring mentor. What if he stopped hanging with the rough crowd and spent more time learning this new job. What if he eventually graduated and went to work with this man. What if he too later on took in troubled youth and gave them focus.

Our brains might keep springing up with worry thoughts. Recognize them for what they are, and replace them what What If UP thoughts. See how much better you feel. Write me what works for you.

(Kelly Epperson is an author/speaker/coach. Kelly’s programs help clients live the habits of happy people. Less stress, more joy. Class starts soon. www.kellyepperson.com)

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