How to Validate the Feelings of Another

There are moments when we all feel a little unraveled or overwhelmed. Doesn’t mean it’s always smart or even necessary to feel that way — but as a human beings we experience deep emotions and when they start to run away with us, a little validation can help us get a grip and start coping again.

When you validate another – whether it’s a family member, co-worker or even an over-worked bag boy at the grocery store — you are recognizing and accepting their experience (this does not mean you have to agree with it) and helping them to feel valued and heard.

That’s a powerful way to connect and help each other out.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Listen well. Do. Not. Interrupt. Actively listen. Nod your head, pay attention, say uh huh a few times. Be respectful. Hear them out then go on to number 2 below.

2. Ask pertinent questions. Be open and willing to learn more about  their experience. Ask them more about their feelings and how they are coping.

3. Be compassionate. You don’t have to agree, in fact you don’t have to judge their experience at all, you can just allow them to have it.

4. Accept and reflect. Accept that what the other person is sharing with you is real for them and reflect back their experience with statements like “I hear that you are feeling overwhelmed…I can see how that situation could be stressful.”

When we validate each other’s feelings and experiences we are more likely to participate in life and share more of ourselves. That’s good for everyone.