Dreams of Self Discovery

It was late by the time I finally tucked myself into bed. I had finished uploading Rogue: The Streets of Caltania to Smashwords and Amazon’s website. And quite honestly, I was exhausted!

So despite my wife’s raucous snoring, I managed to doze off quickly, the peacefulness of sleep enveloping me so fully that I eventually fell into a dreamlike state of self discovery.

Suddenly I’m on the set of my own book. I call it a set because that’s the closest thing I can think of to describe it, though there are no cameras, no movie crews, and no actors running about.

I’m on Captain Albright’s ship, Sea Wraith, the deck sways gently beneath my feet, and the salt smell of the sea greets me on a fine spray that rises over the ships graceful prow. There isn’t a soul around, so I assume the actors are all off duty.

I walk toward the bow of the ship, stumbling as I am not used to the sway of the ship. To say I don’t yet have my sea legs is an understatement. The ship takes a quick dip and twist that sends me faltering to the railing. I grab fast and stare out over the blue waters of the sea ahead, feeling the freedom of the open water.

“We need to talk,” I hear the voice behind me say, and know immediately who it is. If not for the business tone of her voice I might be mildly excited to speak to her. But I’m tired and not really wanting to talk business so I turn somewhat apprehensively to face my star actor in the Rogue series.

She stood easily on the swaying deck of the ship, as if she were simply an extension of the planking itself. My first thought is that she’s more attractive than I originally had intended, about five foot five and toned in her snug fitting tunic and hose. Her hair is raven black, bobbed at the shoulders. And her eyes are the deepest brown I’ve ever seen. Deeper than I had imagined and with a softness that could tantalize any man, a softness that was, at the present, betrayed by the firm set of her jaw and her all business attitude.

“What can I do for you?” I said just as the ship took a sudden dip before righting itself. I gripped frantically at the railing to keep myself upright. Rogue maintained her casual balanced stance as if she were glued to the deck.

“Some of the other actors are upset that Artamos isn’t back for this book,” she said.

I can tell she is dodging the real reason she came here to talk to me. I can see it in her posture and hear it in the hesitance of her voice. Still I decide to play along. “Artamos does have a part in the book.”

“Not a large one.”

“His part will grow as the series goes on.”

She frowns and bobs her head with acceptance.

“This isn’t what’s really on your mind is it?” I ask.

“No,” she says, firming her jaw and glaring at me. “I want to know why I can’t know my past. It would make my role so much easier if I knew where I came from.”

“You’re missing the point though. Your story is about self discovery.”

“But how am I supposed to do that without knowing who I was before the accident. I don’t even have a starting place.”

“That’s kind of the point Rogue,” I said, and she snaps an angry glare on me. “People are often what they are simply because that’s who they are. The whole point of your story is for you to follow your true nature without any influence from your past. Believe me, your past would never have allowed you to experience this sort of life.”

“Yeah, what a great life, fighting street wars and steeling to survive.”

I watch her, head drooped in thought, and allow her to think about her situation for a moment. “You know that you are in charge of this story,” I say

Her head snaps up, “Me?”

“Yes you,” I say. “You’ve been telling me all along what to write and how to write it. What happens next is your choice.”

“I don’t have to keep living like this,” she says rather than asks. “You mean I could make a choice to be different.”

I shrug, “You could make a choice to discover who you truly are. Maybe even find out what really makes you happy.”

She looks up, a slow smile finding its way to her full lips. “Really, she said. You’d allow me to do that?”

I nod. “Start with finding what it is you want most and go for it,” I said, turning back to the railing and closing my eyes. Then I add, “Don’t worry about the consequences, and just do what makes you happy.”

In seconds the dream is over and my visit with Rogue is just a distant memory to be recalled at some later date.