On The Ideal Gentleman
And, inevitably, the attempts to make our founding fathers look, well, more bolshy. One classic example is the NE Patriot’s logo.
Guess what? That look wasn’t what the original patriots were going for. At all.
IMHO, our founders thought that the perfect guy was polite, neat, well-read, could win a fair fight, and always worked towards the common good. He was gentle and a man at the same time. A gentleman. No one wanted to be a self-interested, uneducated thug. In other words, I think our founders would freak if they saw the Patriots logo. CAVEAT: this is not a put-down of my hometown team; they’re simply reflecting the modern ideal guy. Fierce, ripped, take no prisoners. A winner.
And damn, I can’t help but feel like that modern ideal is a real loss…For all of us.
Today, we often use the term gentleman only to describe how someone opens doors, but back in the day, it meant much more than that. For example, John Adams set a goal of reading a few hours of ancient Latin every morning before working on his farm, and chided himself when he failed to do so. That’s a gentlemanly concern. Sure, he probably opened the door for Abigail, but he also worshipped the ground she walked on and debated politics with her constantly. Again, gentleman. Alexander Hamilton knew how to duel (though not well, as he died in one against Raymond Burr.) The ideal gentleman could defend himself, his home, and his country. He was firm without being aggressive, fierce without being rude. Gentle and a man.
Not that every part of the old gentlemanly ideal was awesome. I don’t think they swore a lot, and that’s a fucking shame. Also, they could be a product of their age, or as Abigail Adams put it, “great personalities are forged on the anvil of adversity.” Perhaps the times did indeed make the gentlemen. If George Washington were born today, he might be doing the rounds on reality TV, barely able to string a coherent sentence together.
And that’s possible, but…nah.
I’ve met many a modern gentleman, most recently at Starbucks where one watched over my temporarily-abandoned computer without being asked. It strikes me as a disservice that these awesome guys weren’t born a few hundred years ago, when their traits would be celebrated as perfection. Today, I fear they too often get the message that they don’t measure up. That they should be more aggressive, action-oriented, and bolshy. That the gentle, contemplative life of service to your family and country is uncool, old fashioned, and maybe even a bit of a joke.
Which, of course, is total bullshit.
To these fine men I say: stay you, hang in there, and don’t change. We have a male ideal right now that’s so extreme, it’s bound to rebound one of these days. It’s the law of social gravity, if nothing else. And, for what it’s worth, you’re always the ideal in my book(s.)
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