Don't Be Afraid to Feel Resentful Part 3

In my previous two blogs on this topic, I introduced Susan who was working out her feelings of resentment and finding a powerful way to use these feelings to become more strategic in her approach to her career in her company and with her boss.  Susan considered what grievance she was at a loss to air with her boss, then assessed her  beliefs and practices by using Adaptive Inquiry (AI). This enabled her to arrive at a strategy for the short and longer term. This last and final blog on this topic will describe the questions she used for exploring her options with priorities and place.
Exploring her priorities around these issues, Susan asked herself:

What are the potential risks/rewards of airing this grievance?


What are the potential risks/rewards of not airing this grievance?


Would I be willing to let go of my need to air this grievance with my boss?

Susan realized that the risks of discussing her needs and grievances with her boss would be greater if she came across as a victim. Instead, she would raise this with a positive tone about her ambitions and discuss the ways she could see his support benefitting her long-term prospects within the company. There was clearly more of a risk associated with not airing her grievance with her boss or the company. She would likely need to leave the company to achieve her career goals. Therefore, it was too high a priority for her to let go of it.
Susan then asked herself these questions around place:

Have I considered removing myself from the place [relationships, team, project, role, organization, community, nation, etc.] in which I am currently at a loss to air this grievance? What impact would doing so have on my ability to meet my other needs?


Have I considered reforming the laws, rules, and norms governing this place to make it easier for me – and others – to air grievances?

As she wrote answers, Susan considered whether changing her job, company, or her boss would be an option for her. She recognized that other needs for stability and pleasure with her work in this current company would be at risk if she made changes now. Changing jobs or companies might be a longer-term option if she didn’t get what she needed after airing her grievance with her boss. She would give it one more year before leaving. She also thought about the procedures and norms within her company for career development and could see as an option to visit with her human resources business partner for some advice.

As you have seen in this three-part blog about Adaptive Inquiry, this approach to interpreting and working with our difficult emotions can shift our perspective in a more powerful way than attributing the cause to others.  AI helps us feel deeply and think clearly – and with practice, builds our emotional intelligence muscles.  Keep reading my blogs for more on other challenging emotions.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach