Righting old wrongs

I’ve had a very odd few days, coming to realise there are some really problematic things in my history that I need to face up to. There are two people I have definitely not treated as well as I could have done, because I was acting based on totally inaccurate information. I’m having those conversations and trying to unpick what I can.

However, what this leaves me with is a great deal of doubt about a whole bunch of other experiences, relationships and interactions. I do not know what I might have handled really badly because I was working on the basis of things that were not true. I very much want to find out, so that I can put things straight where possible, sort out what I can, or at least get to explain and apologise. It is hard, and demoralising when someone treats you in a way that makes no sense, that can include people seeming defensive when you haven’t attacked them, people treating you as suspicious when you have done nothing wrong, or as with a recent blog post, people treating you like a drama queen when you just plain aren’t that thing.

This is a shout out to those of you who have known me in the context of a group setting anywhere in the last ten years. If, along the way, I did something that caused you a problem, or failed to pick up something you thought was important, please, please talk to me. If I failed to make sense to you, or did something odd that didn’t add up based on what you knew, now would be a really good time to drop me a line and have a conversation. If you aren’t directly in contact, just leave a comment saying you want to talk and I’ll pull your email address from that, and write to you.

If this is ringing bells for you in some wider context, or making you wonder about some mutual friend of ours, or anything like that, pile in. I’d rather wade through dozens of things that turn out to be of no great import than find something big and important got away, and someone who was hurt went unnoticed.

I have messed up, and I know this for a fact. What I do not know right now is exactly how badly and exactly where or when, or how much. And if this brings other messes to the fore that I wasn’t even aware of, bring those too, anything out there with my name on needs sorting. Thank you in advance, for any help or insight anyone is willing to offer as I try to wade through this, and forgive the slightly cryptic-ness, but there’s a lot here I don’t want to do in public right now, for everyone’s sake.