How to Give Authentically

We don’t always give authentically -  sometimes we do it out of guilt, fear or obligation. When we realize patterns of false giving aren't working for us, we are more likely to want to give from a genuine place. The following techniques can help you act differently.

Cultivate awareness. Observe the effect false giving has on you. When you find yourself feeling manipulative, drained or resentful, stop what you are doing. Get some distance and either write in your journal to talk with a supportive friend. Try to understand what was happening and how you feel as a result. For example, are you afraid you’ll make the person angry or that they won’t like you if you don’t give? Do you fear being fired? What motivates your inauthentic giving?

Do the opposite. The next time you catch yourself giving in a way you don’t want to, do the exact opposite. Don’t expect to feel comfortable when you try out new behavior, but know that it will get easier the more you do it.

Take a moment. When someone asks you to do something, don’t react immediately. Pause and inwardly ask yourself, “What do I want to give?” The answer will come.

Excerpt from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self