10 Things/Statements/Jokes/Actions That Have Never Made Me Laugh

10 Things/Statements/Jokes/Actions That Have Never Made Me Laugh

By Ezekiel Tyrus

October 17, 2012

1. A friend and I are having our picture taken and somebody suddenly stands behind me or my friend and holds up two fingers as if to suggest either me or my friend have flesh-colored antennas growing out of our heads, or devil horns. When is that ever funny?


2. When a co-worker, classmate, teacher, boss or even traveling companion says, "Are we having fun yet?"


3. When a co-worker, classmate, teacher, boss or customer says, "Are you working hard or hardly working?"


4. Pollack jokes. I'm not so politically correct that I'll say I've never laughed at a racist, sexist, homophobic, or even transgender joke. I'm not necessarily fond of these jokes but they have made me laugh before and under the right circumstances, they can be funny but the reason I've never laughed at a Pollack joke is because most everybody I've ever met with a Polish surname was actually quite smart, and more than a few have been pretty hot looking. I'm not Polish. (German, Irish, Welsh and some African and Native American, believe it or not, but no Polish.) Pollack jokes are just dumb-guy jokes and 99% of people I've met with Polish surnames weren't dumb and about 75% I've met have been good-looking. What's up with all the dumb ugly jokes?


5. Adam Sandler talking baby tawk. The sight of a grown man well into his 40s talking baby tawk is simply not funny. If I was 4 years old and he was my father, I might think it was funny.


6. Jerry Lewis squaling like a spastic child. When is it funny to see grown men act like scared slightly retarded children?


7. 'Star Wars' references. My Generation has got to get over these movies. References have been way overdone. It fascinates me that the oiginal cast and the filmmaker have no interest in discussing those damn movies anymore. Not all of us have seen 'Star Wars' 100 times. (I saw none of the sequels after 'Return of the Jedi.') My Generation seems to think any 'Star Wars' reference is automatically funny. I don't get it. By the time I was 13, I had no interest in a kids' sci-fi movie about muppets and light sabers and dopey dialogue. I don't see what my Generation sees in it. -Why are 'Star Wars' references funny?


8. When I'm making out with a girl at a club or party or simply kissing a woman after a romantic date and somebody says, "GET A ROOM!!!" (It's never funny. And talk about a mood killer.)


9. When I'm attending a protest, either as a participate or spectator and somebody says, "Get a job!" -What makes you think they don't have jobs? Because they're at a protest? So are you. Do you not have a job?


10. Jokes with really long set-ups. Jokes that start with lengthy stories that meander into little, cutesy punchlines that often involve puns. Senor citizens are fond of these type of jokes. None of my grandfathers made these type of jokes but I've known old fuckers who do.