Writing Alongside My Toddler

Lately, I've had a couple friends ask me about my tips for working my writing into my duties as a stay-at-home mom. While I've written about this subject in other spaces, I have yet to share it here. Here are some of the strategies that work for me:

* Develop a routine.

Babies and toddlers do best when they know what to expect. Now, before you think that this means scheduling your day in 15-minute increments, let me distinguish between a routine and a schedule. A routine indicates activities (or types of activities) that you do at roughly the same time every day or every week. A schedule typically means activities take place at a specific time. While we have some scheduled activities -- such as my exercise classes and the toddler storytime at the library -- most of the rest of our days follow a routine, where we do similar things at a given time of day.

For example, generally speaking, the morning is when we get out of the house, participate in our scheduled activities, and run errands. Then, we return for lunch (the exact time varies), following that with "quiet time." During quiet time, I usually work on either writing or personal projects, while my son plays with his trains, blocks or other toys. During this time, I might also watch a show on Hulu while he enjoys some of his favorite educational programming.

After "quiet time" we do something together: either reading books, coloring or dancing to music. Then, it's naptime (which may or may not actually happen, but if it doesn't, we at least cuddle). This is followed by dinner prep if I'm cooking that night, or some light housework, if I'm not. We have dinner, then, followed by bath time (on alternate nights), and I deliver him to his father, clean and fed, as my husband returns home from work in time for me to do my evening transcription work.

Your routine will, of course, differ according to your needs, but as long as you work in some "quiet time" where your child learns to entertain him or herself while you work (ideally in the same room as your child), you're setting yourself up for success.

* Set small, achievable goals for each day.

One of the best pieces of advice I got early in my days as a write-at-home mom was to be reasonable about my expectations. No, you're probably not going to get as much done as you used to, but that doesn't mean you need to put aside your writing goals until your little one is off at school. Instead, set smaller goals: for example, to write one 500-word article, or to write two pages of your novel, or to submit one writing query. If you're new to parenting, take some time to figure out what you can easily work into your daily schedule, and start with just that. Chances are, as your child gets older and requires a different kind of attention, you'll be able to increase your productivity.

If you find it useful, you can also set a timer for certain activities so that you stay on track. Fifteen minutes of answering e-mail, for example, can keep it at bay while allowing you to stay focused.

* Teach your child independence.

The goal of being a parent is, of course, to send a healthy, well-rounded individual into the world, ready to face whatever challenge might arise. Start early by encouraging your child to solve problems without you immediately jumping up from your laptop. Of course, this is impractical with a crawling baby, who immediately needs to be untangled from a chair leg she's backed into, but a slightly older child can be encouraged to try to find a solution alone before you jump in to save the day.

I work on a lap desk in the same room where my 3-year-old plays, and I've learned a lot of his "crises" are actually solvable by a toddler. Diapers and requests for water aside, I try to talk him through his requests so that he does as much as he can by himself. If he's looking for a toy, for example, instead of jumping up immediately, I suggest different places he might look. If his wooden train set isn't doing what he wants it to do, I ask him if there's another technique he could try before giving up.

I've been using these techniques now for a couple years, and I've found that he's a far better problem solver. In fact, nowadays when I'm interrupted mid-thought, it's usually so that he can show off a new block configuration or a new way of making a pillow fort. In addition to helping me to make the most of my "quiet time," I believe I'm also helping him build important problem-solving skills.

* Take play breaks.

Whatever your writing goals and whatever your routine, remember to spend some time every day just being silly, having fun and sharing some time with your child. It doesn't have to be much: dancing to the radio or taking a walk to look at birds. If you make sure to incorporate some special mommy-and-me time into every day, your child is more likely to accept that sometimes, mommy just needs some quiet to write.