What do Friends Need During Adversity?

Recently, we asked our wonderful Facebook community what they feel are the best ways to support a friend going through a challenging time. They responded thoughtfully and from the heart.

Listen. Many of our followers said that truly listening is one of the best ways to help a friend in need. When we’re experiencing adversity, feeling like we’re not being heard – like no one understands what we’re going through – makes the hardship feel even more intense. As one follower said, “Listen and be there with them. Many of us just need to know we are not alone during those challenging times.”

Make space. It has been said that the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. In the midst of a challenge, a friend may not necessarily need an elaborate demonstration of support. Just the presence of someone who cares is often the best medicine. Our followers said that showing your friend you’re willing to take the time to be with her can be incredibly comforting.

Stay collected. Although it can be tempting to allow yourself to get swept away in the emotion of your friend’s struggles, what she needs is someone who can offer stability. Mirroring her emotional rollercoaster is not always helpful. Empathize and let her know that you fully understand what she’s experiencing and why she feels distressed – but also stay grounded. According to our Facebook community, this is especially the case if your friend asks you for advice. An outside perspective from someone who can think through the situation more calmly will be the most helpful. In the words of one follower, “Be the level-headed one in the midst of their emotional chaos. You can’t offer good support if you are caught up in the situation.”

-Sarah Cooke