How to Deal with Uncomfortable Feelings

Countless situations can cause us discomfort: tension in our immediate surroundings, uneasiness in our own skin, or others' unsettled feelings. Perhaps we're challenged by an insecure boss and are asked to justify something we've done or not done. Or perhaps we're in our home, feeling overwhelmed and thinking, This is not the life I signed up for. What do I do now? For our purposes here, discomfort is whatever triggers a sense of feeling out of control.

Discomfort can also occur when we assert ourselves in a new way, or when we have taken a step to reveal ourselves more authentically. Either of these can scare us because we feel more vulnerable. So the question becomes: How can we stay compassionately present to ourselves in the midst of change and respond in a healthy, self-empowering way, rather than denying the discomfort that arises and acting in a way we will later regret?

I myself have experienced the vulnerability of change and have needed to reach out for help; getting to know myself in a new way felt overwhelming. Years ago, when I first lost fifty pounds, I thought I'd be thrilled to see myself in the mirror. This expectation was shattered at first glance. I felt awkward exposing my thin, attractive self and, at times, I was tempted to slip back into the protective layer of oversized clothing. My old mindset and my new body were at a disconnect. I needed to become accustomed to accepting positive attention and feedback from my peers.

I found myself reaching out to a male acquaintance who had maintained a major weight loss for several years. When I shared with him how conflicted I felt, he related to what I had described. I immediately felt comforted. But it didn't end there.

"Close your eyes and picture yourself standing on a beautiful beach facing the ocean," he instructed me. "Do you have the power to hold back the force of the waves coming toward you?"

I cast him a skeptical look. He continued: "There's something that powers the universe, a force much greater than you or me." Up until that point, my spiritual background had led me down the path of a nonbeliever. Now this wonderful man, whom I had no real reason to trust, was suggesting that I accept something I had rebelled against all my life. As he proceeded, his intensity did not diminish.

"You can choose at this very moment to not let your fear stop you from embracing life. Give up the struggle."

"But - " was all I managed to cough out. He interrupted me: "'But' makes simple truths complicated. You can choose to embrace change instead of resisting it."

Even now, when terror is my knee-jerk reaction to change, I think of his words - they help take the sting out of the fear I'm experiencing.

Look fear in the face and step out in a new way.

Excerpt from In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self.