Scars of Abuse Run Deep

I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?

As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?

As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?

While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?

Most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted.

That dreadful night when my own father took me from my bed and drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was going to change—forever.

Starting at age three, my life became filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse — a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate.

Finding out just how bad things could get for an innocent little girl who just wanted to be cared for and loved, I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. The mind is a wonderful thing, and without the "others" to protect me I would not be here today.

All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with deep scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes of abuse a child can undergo — and still manage to survive.

Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their scars of abuse.

My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.

My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.

Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects can include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.

Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Feelings of fear, insecurity, and a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.

Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They are terrified of how society will react; they keep quiet to avoid being hurt further.

Abused children feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. As feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living.

When the pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.

Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports — physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect — are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.

It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children who were abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.

If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.

All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.

To read my full story please pick up a copy of Bitter Memories: A Memoir Of Heartache & Survival. WARNING: **** CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT AND EXPLICIT LANGUAGE****

The other books in this series are: Drowning In Memories, Trophy Murders (for my fans who like a little crime fiction mixed with truth), and Cutter's Revenge that takes tragedy and turns it into an ending the way I wanted.

You can find all seven of my current books and the descriptions for each one on my website.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen