What it Means to be Resilient

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I could only see my feet and the red flashing light.  I remember thinking, "So this is success? Here I am away from home, my family and my life."I lay in the back of an ambulance after having just turned 40, thinking I was going to die from a heart attack - though I had merely collapsed from stress.

This happened right in the middle of a very fortunate and successful career. I had just been promoted to HR Manager for IKEA North America from Store Manager and commuted weekly from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia. I had been married to my incredible friend and husband for just a few years. We were raising two wonderful, young kids, and were keeping up with the house, the dog and lots of friends. My proud leadership symbol was a Duracell battery – the energizer bunny, which never stopped. I always welcomed another exciting project, could always add on more meetings, more travel, could always fit in time for colleagues and at home I was always ready to host a dinner party and participate in another Susan Komen three-day walk. I was proud of building the necessary resilience needed to be a corporate leader, excellent mother, wonderful wife, caring friend and  exceptional host. I was operating on all cylinders and pushing for the same level of perfection at all times. In my mind, the more I could take on, the more cylinders, the more pressure – the more resilience.

I was very wrong. Today I realize that the anxiety attack I had during one of my busy and emotionally draining commuting weeks was simply needed for me to stop the insanity I had created. My body finally reacted and the doctor in the emergency room told me that I did not have a heart attack, but I had built up tremendous stress over time. I didn’t change a thing the next day. I felt better - saw it as small bump in the road that I was strong enough to overcome. It was a year later when I had time to reflect and start making changes. I began to re-think what it means to be resilient.

I learned the importance of reflection, coming up for air, stepping back and looking at what is happening. I learned that we cannot run on all cylinders all the time with the same level of pressure and expectation of perfection. Something will simply burst. I learned to embrace imperfection, to prioritize myself and to set boundaries. I learned to create a healthy space between myself and the business, to not take things personally and to never get caught in other people’s hurricanes.

This new insight and understanding of sustainable resilience prepared me more than anything else for my next position as CEO for IKEA North America. During those nine years I met the toughest challenges of my life and was determined never to lose myself again.

True resilience is not about a job title, status, money or possessions. It is about the ability to stand with both feet deeply grounded in who we are, in our values, experiences, strengths and beautiful flaws and embrace any opportunity or challenge that comes our way.

By Pernille Lopez, Former CEO, IKEA North America