MORE READER QUESTIONS ANSWERED

This blog will conclude the questions and answers. I guess it’s a good thing, because it means the sequels to Bitter Memories answered the questions I left hanging. My story was too long for one book, so I had to leave things open-ended and unfinished in some areas, so I could pick up the story in the next book, then the next, and the next that I’m currently working on. But, that’s what sequels are for, right?

Thank you to everyone who submitted questions. And a special thank you to everyone who’s emailed me telling me how much you’ve enjoyed reading my answers to the reader questions.

QUESTION: I found the language horrendous, vulgar and offensive. What do you have to say about this?

Child abuse is horrendous, vulgar and offensive! There’s also a disclaimer telling everyone the book contains adult language and content.
By your statement I’m sure you were never abused, so you’re one of the lucky ones! Be thankful for that, and try to learn from someone who was not only abused, but extremely abused — physically, mentally and sexually.
My story contains the same language I heard day in and day out from the adults around me. My step-mother called me a little whore. The men and boys who abused me said “nasty” words to my face. They didn’t say, “Come here, sweet little girl.” Hell no! “They said, “Get the fuck over here, bitch!”
I am sorry you were offended, but I told my life as I lived it. I shared the truth by telling it like it actually was for me, without sweet sugar-coating, which by the way, would have taken my true story and turned it into a pack of lies.
It’s time victims took power away from these assholes! It’s time to open up and expose these monsters, these molesters of innocent children, these pedophiles for what they really are!
Child abuse has been kept in the closet for way too long. I felt it was time, no, it was past time, for the whole truth to be told without “skirting around” what happened. To do this meant using the language I heard from the grown-ups around me, even though, at the time, I didn’t know what those words meant. I only knew they had to be “bad” words from the tone of voice they were spoken in.
I wrote my story from my point of view, sharing my life to the world, knowing there would be people to criticize. Still, I put myself out there, ready to face whatever was thrown at me, because nothing thrown could be any worse than what I’d already lived through. And I’m not sorry for telling my story exactly how it actually happened.
My book is not for everyone, but it is for the ones who need it the most!
I told my story to help other survivors. And, you know what? Other survivors associate the words you found offensive and vulgar with language they heard during their own abuse. They read my story and say, “That’s what it was like for me!” or “She really does understand.”
I receive comments like these, and many more, from readers all the time! I reach the people who understand and know what I lived through, because they lived it too. I reach the ones who need hope that their lives can also get better. I survived horrendous mistreatment, and knowing I did survive and that I am now happy and have put my past behind me, gives other survivors the courage they need to not give up! They know they can also find healing and live a happy, fulfilling life.
I get “thank you for being strong and telling it like it is” messages all the time. These are the people, the survivors, who need to hear the full truth.
Of course, I hope to help people who don’t have a clue what it’s like for the child victims. I hope these people will learn from my story, and hopefully, will be ready to stand up against child abuse!
I’ve reached many clueless people who now know exactly what child abuse can do to the psyche of a child. They have learned no child is safe in a world of molesters and pedophiles. Children are not even safe from their own parents or relatives or friends when this person preys on children.
I have reached many, but there are still so many more to educate.
Child abuse is NOT pretty! It’s as ugly as the words you found offense with. Child abuse is not love, although the abuser will call it that. Child abuse is not fun or something a child wants. It’s scary as hell! It hurts like hell!
Survivors of child abuse know this, and they need understanding! They don’t need ridicule or people who won’t listen or believe them. These kids and adult survivors need to know there is someone who has been there. Someone who knows exactly what they feel; what they lived though. They need someone who understands what it feels like when they think the sky is falling down on top of them, or when they feel they’ve fallen into a deep, dark hole in the center of the earth and there’s no way out. These survivors find that in me and in the way I write my story.
They need caring people to reach out and tell them it will be okay. Tell them things will get better. They need the first person they ever talk to, to listen, because that person might be the one and only person they ever have the courage to talk to and tell what happened to them.
Take the language in my book for what it is. Hurtful words a scared little girl lived with! Words heard daily, but those words, as vulgar as they are, shows what my life was really like for so many years.
Please! Don’t be one of those ostrich people! Get your head out of the sand and do what you can to help spread the word that child abuse does exist.
Child abuse is a national epidemic! These children/adults still suffering are afraid to come forward, afraid to talk about what happened. They are scared to death that society will condemn and look down on them.
If a child/adult suffering comes to you, give them understanding and unconditional love. Be a true friend; listen with an open mind and an open heart. Listen to their pain, not the language you find offensive. Accept them as a lost soul needing help.
You’ve read my story. You know I’ve been to hell and back, but I am a survivor! Accept me as a lost soul who found my way home.
These adults who spoke to me the way they did, called me names, and did so much more to hurt me, were supposed to love me and protect me! They never did.
I struggled daily just to stay alive, but there are children every single day who are still being abused.
If a lost soul comes to you, help them! Believe in the power of love, trust and understanding. Let them know you will stand beside them, and do not judge them. Tell them you read a book about someone who went through the same pain, and it’s okay to feel whatever feelings they have. Tell them I found my way toward healing and they too can be a survivor.
These words together — unconditional love, trust, and understanding — really can move mountains. Change your way of thinking and you can help save a child from a lifetime of pain and suffering!

QUESTION: Why do you think there are there so many unreported cases of child abuse?

Fear! Fear of rejection. Fear no one will understand. Fear they are all alone. Fear that no one will love them if they find out they’ve been “bad.” Fear they won’t be believed. Fear of ridicule. Fear they will be blamed for what happened to them. This list goes on and on and on.
Guilt! The child feels guilty. They feel they did something to cause the abuse to happen to them. When they get older they feel even more guilt.
Shame! The child is ashamed of themselves. No matter what their abuser told them, they know it’s wrong, but they don’t know how to stop it from happening. Again, as they get older, this shame increases.
The abuser may threaten the child that if he or she tells, the abuser will hurt another sibling or another family member. The abuser instills fear, guilt and shame so deeply, making the child believe they are bad, they will not be loved if they tell, and the abuser will convince the child they deserved what happened.
Pedophiles are masters at manipulation. An innocent child has no defenses to fight a pedophile. They prey on children! Many of these kids come from troubled homes, but they also go after the shy, the handicapped and the withdrawn. These children are already vulnerable to the skilled manipulation of these creeps.
The abuser uses that instilled guilt, shame and fear against the child. They even use “love” to get these kids to trust them, to like them.
Combine fear, guilt and shame, plus the hundreds of other feelings that come up during and after the abuse, and you have a child/adult who goes into a shell. They may even block out the abuse completely. In severe cases of abuse like mine was, the child may develop other disorders. Specifically, multiple personalities. Their own mind cannot handle the fear surrounding the abuse, therefore they split.
As the child grows into adulthood, society, the critical “do-gooders,” prevent victims from coming forward. This is one reason we need more books like mine! We need more survivors to speak up so uninformed members of society who have their heads stuck in the sand can learn the truth about child abuse, and then, hopefully, decided to change their way of thinking and get involved.

QUESTION: Do you still deal with your Multiples? Have you merged?

No and no. I don’t deal with them, that I know of, although I’m sure they were around helping me write Bitter Memories by filling in some of the blanks they knew about more than I did. I never wanted to merge with them. I like to think, should I ever need them, they will still be there to help protect me just like they always did growing up. I guess you’d call my alters my safety net against the cruelty in the world.

QUESTION: Do you have a faith or religion now?

My grandfather (Olivia’s father) was a Methodist preacher. I went to his church when the family went to visit on holidays, but from the time I was ten years old I was raised a Southern Baptist.
Since I’ve gotten older I don’t follow any certain religion. I consider myself non-denominational.
I do have faith in prayer and a Higher Power or The Great Spirit as the Native Americans call Him.

QUESTION: How do you feel about God?

As a child I didn’t believe there was a “God” and if there was, He wasn’t for kids, or at least not for me. I lived in doubt and anger for a long time.
Years ago I went on a three-day spiritual retreat. While there I spent many long hours inside a small chapel. Early mornings, while everyone else slept, I sat next to a stream watching the deer come down from the hills to get a drink. They stood five feet from me, and they were not scared at all. I also had a couple of long talks with a Franciscan priest.
During this time I made peace with my Higher Power, and with myself. I know there is someone up above who hears our prayers. I don’t believe you have to go to a certain church or follow a certain religion for God to love His children. I believe He loves everyone who lets Him in their heart.
I also believe on Judgment Day the “bad” people in the world will have to answer to the Almighty for their wrongdoings.

QUESTION: Do you think young children should be explained what child abuse is? If so, how young do you think a parent should start explaining this?

Yes! Parents should explain to their children about child abuse and what to do if approached by a friend or another family member in an inappropriate way, and what to do if approached by any stranger.
Children of all ages can suffer abuse. Statistics report that 67% of abused children are less than 1 year old, while 80% are less than 3 years old.
The age to start would depend on the child. Once a child shows the ability to comprehend what they are being told, they should be informed.
It might save their life or a life of a friend.

QUESTION: What do you think about the laws and punishment this country has for pedophiles and abusers? Do you think they are harsh enough?

The punishment, if you can call it that, sucks! And, no, the laws are not harsh enough!
From what I’ve been able to find out, and without talking to an attorney I could be wrong on this, but it seems each state sets their own laws toward punishment. Most offenders usually get a slap on the wrist, they may or may not have to go into therapy for their “problem” but they do have to register as a sex offender for the rest of their miserable lives. They usually do no jail time at all.
Again, it depends on the state the offense took place, but the abuser may be charged with a felony, or depending on circumstances — the age of the child, was there sexual abuse, was the child physically or mentally injured, and the criminal history of the offender — the abuser could be charged less severely. They could even be charged with a misdemeanor!
When convicted, the person can get probation or a prison term up to five years, and then be released early, maybe serving 1 to 3 years, only.
In more serious cases they may get a longer prison term. Very few are sentenced to life in prison.
The children who are abused need justice! What happened to them will last a lifetime. As far as I’m concerned, a person convicted of child abuse should be put to death. Immediately! They should not be allowed to breath good air or to continue living on “death row” for years and years, allowed to die naturally!
Bring back the hanging tree! Castrate ‘em, without anesthesia, then let the assholes take a slow walk to the closest tree and watch ‘em swing!
Now that would be justice!

QUESTION: If these laws were to change and become more strict, do you think there would be less cases of child abuse?

Once a pedophile or a molester, always a pedophile or molester. These monsters might try to be more sneaky than they already are, but at least when they are caught, it would be more than a slap on the wrist, probation, a few years in luxury state accommodations (free food, medical, dental, etc.), put into therapy which will do no good, or register as an offender. Maybe they wouldn’t be turned loose to walk the streets and hurt another child.
Still, any punishment, short of death, will never be harsh enough to suit me. I’m sure most, if not all of the thousands of survivors feel the same way.

QUESTION: When did you know you needed to get your word out to help others like you?

Probably from the time I first learned what child abuse was, around age ten, but it didn’t soak in until after I’d hit my head against a wall for several more years.
My life sucked, big time. According to Olivia, I was useless and unlovable. I couldn’t do anything right. I was so shy it was hard to make friends.
When I got older, the few friends I did make, I eventually drove away with my drinking.
I hurt inside, constantly. The pain became unbearable. Not only my early abuse was ruining my life, but everything that happened after the death of my mother was also ruining my life. One step forward, ten step backwards. Everything felt like it was crumbling around me.
I knew I was going nowhere fast, and if I was having those struggles, then I knew others from the same background must be suffering too. I was fourteen or fifteen when I made the decision that, once I could help myself, I would do what I could to help others like me.

QUESTION: What do you want people to get out of reading your book or learn from reading it?

For the ones living with pain and sorrow from abuse, I want them to learn they are not alone. There are many of us just like them struggling day to day, trying to live with what happened. I want them to know there is hope, there is help available. My abuse was extreme, but I survived. I fought on a daily basis, but I never gave up (okay, I gave up a few times, but I wasn’t successful in the attempt to quit) so therefore, I want them to not give up, because there is healing in their future.
For people who want to learn, for the ones who want to pull their head out of the sand and not be an ostrich, I want them to learn that child abuse exists, and it doesn’t have to be a “bad” family who abuses kids. It could be their next door neighbor, the ones they wave and talk to each time they see each other. I want them to learn the effects child abuse has on children, and what they can do to help that child if they are approached.
I want the world to know that child abuse is an epidemic, and it’s everyone in this world who has the power to change that! Become involved. Notice the signs of child abuse. If you see it, or suspect it, report it! It’s better to have Child Protective Services check out a suspicion and be wrong, than to do nothing and that child suffer for the rest of his or her life. And that’s the good scenario. The worst is that child could die from the abuse and/or neglect at the hand of their abuser, or take their own life when they feel they can’t go on. Don’t sit on the sidelines and do nothing! Help our children! Help our adult survivors!
For the parents of abducted kids, when they come home, talk about what happened. Listen to them! If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your child, then get help for the child with a professional. Don’t pretend nothing happened! Those scars I’ve been talking about. Well, they run deep and they do not go away!

QUESTION: If you could talk to anyone from your story today, who would it be, and what would you say or ask?
There’s only one person I’d want to talk to, and that’s Bobbi. Living with her was the only time I remember being happy. Bobbi loved me and I loved her.
First off, I’d ask if she still remembers me and all the times she took me shopping and out to lunch, just the two of us.
Then, I’d tell her:
* How happy I was living with her.
* How sad I was when Daddy took me away from her.
* About Daddy throwing out the clothes she bought me when I wouldn’t forget her.
* I’d tell her how much I loved her then, and still do.
I’d ask her:
* If Daddy ever hurt her, other than taking me away and stealing from her?
* If she ever got married?
* If she had kids of her own?
* Is she happy?
* If she remembers the long talk we had that, ultimately, caused me to lose her?
* Last, but not least, I’d ask if we could keep in touch? If we could rekindle
that love we had so many years ago.

Bobbi was probably the closest I ever had to a “real” mother. She never beat me. She never hurt me in any way. Unfortunately, my time with her was very short. But, in all these years I’ve never forgotten her, or her kindness, or her beautiful smile. Or, my very own beautiful room in her house. Thank you for being there for me, Bobbi. I love you, still.

Again, thank you for the questions. I hope everyone learned something from my answers.

I have had readers ask me if I plan to write a book with questions and answers like I did here. I am considering it, so we’ll see.

For more information on all my books, please visit my website. There are links set up to Amazon for each book if you’d like to order.
See you next time, right here on my blog!

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