Query Workshop-- Day 2

If you missed the first query, you can find it here.

My comments, as before, are in red.

Without further ado:

[TITLE REDACTED:] is a 51,000 word young adult novel about an ordinary girl trying to find her way in a beautiful world.

[I think I would move this line to the end. Becuase again, if you put a line up front, it needs to be a big hook.:]


Driven by her obsession with the power of the right name, the socially accepted standards of physical beauty, and the neighborhood ‘It’ girls who seem to hav...