Query Workshop: Day 1

Last week I posted an open call for queries to workshop here on the blog. It's not too late to throw yours in the mix-- I'll be selecting a new one on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I'll simply ask a random number generator to select the query of choice.

A few things first:
A) These are only my opinions. Your mileage may vary. Remember how subjective everything is and weigh all of the feedback with your own thoughts and opinions.

B) Please be exceedingly nice in the comments trail. Really,...